Die geheimen Tageb├╝cher von einer verderbten Existenz

Behind these gates you will hear my thoughts screaming like nerves under the sun and feel my emotion laughing to the empty ether.
Welcome Dear Wanderer, make yourself at home.
The road is long and tortuous and I hope you enjoy yourself.

Fraternally Yours,
Poison Creeper

Wednesday, 14 May 2008

The Last Few Months..pondering and summarising...

It has been a crazy few months, these.
changes, events, travels, new priorities and new hopes.
Some mistakes and some achievements.
Some changes in my personal life like moving in my own place and totally LOVING it.

I also changed some of my own personal policies regarding the outside world: no more arguing no more bitterness. i just take my distances if somebody/something gives me the feeling to be too negative for MY OWN GOOD. Tired of trying to change the world, speaking up for others and tired to come across as the one who keeps the grudge...and most of all I am tired of caring for others that do not care for me. Hypocrisy is still at the top of things I hate and my straightforwardness is still my main caracteristic, just I keep things for myself if I think that the people involved are not worth my time (tick tock tick tock).
Think twice before opening my mouth and ranting over things with the worng people: I realised I am often misunderstood and exploited to benefit others' interests.
Musick is still my main passion even tho I have kind of stopped rumaging through old vynils, not because I am not interested anymore but because life seems a little busier and I don't have as much time as I had before. I am also planning my life on daily basis as I realised there is no point for me to plan much in advance since I always end up pulling back at the last minute...

Clubs? not much interest in interacting with most of the club goers but there are a couple of new places I would like to check out..and yes, MOSTLY, gigs (those will always be there). Reptile and Reeperbahn are my 2 wishes for the moment...

I feel some life is coming back in my veins and I even thought about deejaying a little again, maybe, but it is a very slow process, extremely delicate as I am risking to scare myself again (or allow others to do so) and to withdraw again into private life. I still keep the low profile and that means be coherent with myself and do not let any of the music scene politics suck me into that vicious vortex of advertising, smiling even when I'd like to punch people in the face, listen to nonsense and to gossips or just pay attention to those I consider shallow people, empty headed and fashion victims or just, simple and plain, RUFFIANS (there is plenty of them around)...from now on I will just walk away when I start hearing things like that or just change subject instead of allowing others to make me part of the SEWING CIRCLE.

I have my friends and those are not people who talk shit about others without having the guts to FIRST speak DIRECTLY with the person/people involved INSTEAD of actually stabbing at the back.

I DO NOT TRUST people who bitch about others with me...they could do the same with other about me afterall.

I have been a bit of an anti-social lately and I feel a lot more discreet and "shy" with not-so-much enthusiasm to share things with people others than my VERY limited group of friends. Yes, I had been making a very severe selection of "friends" and now I have more acquaintances and less Friends which is what I need and it is what I want.

Far too many rotten people around, people that I trusted and that regularly have been proving me they couldn't care less about my situation when I needed them...
when you shine, everybody wants you but when you are in deep shit they all avoid you like the plague..
Let alone all the misunderstanding regarding my ranting/reactions/behaviour due ONLY to the fact that they weren't BOTHERED to directly ask me WHY and jumped to conclusions (it is a lot easier, afterall, than challenging and asking DIRECT questions, uh?).

Photography is still going on, concentrating a little more on nature and gigs/performing arts other than photoshop photo manipulation; I will also be saving SERIOUS money to buy the Dslr NIKON D60. I feel I NEED that camera to make that jump in quality and allowing me to explore different fields with more and new stuff to try and more challenging targets to set myself. I want to get out of the amatour circle and try to get more towards the pro-amateur one.

I was even thinking of starting off a course, an evening one, about web mastering and web administering as well as maybe linux course.
I have a bicycle now and I use it almost everyday and that should help with my anxiety and all that, also I might be able to loose some weight/tone up a little.;)
check out the LONDON CYCLING CAMPAIGN (LCC)for more info on cycling routes, suggestions, tips and local groups
I should start translating those thingies on my other blog and keep on writing this story as it is really making me curious to know where I am going to get, considering that I am not playing RpG anymore and now I have blank paper as far as the networking, development, adventure of my little, young and naiv Gangrel go.
I should also start translating RINF page on myspace as I promised them (sorry guys!!!).
on the other hand I finally wrote the lyrics for Mariano's song (LAVARSOVIA) and I am quite eager to hear it sang by him now :)) I am waiting for it to upload it on my myspace profile lol.

So for now this is the state of things :) that is my to-do list and my plans for the immediate future. They maybe change again next week but this is the nature of things, constant change is life.

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