Die geheimen Tageb├╝cher von einer verderbten Existenz

Behind these gates you will hear my thoughts screaming like nerves under the sun and feel my emotion laughing to the empty ether.
Welcome Dear Wanderer, make yourself at home.
The road is long and tortuous and I hope you enjoy yourself.

Fraternally Yours,
Poison Creeper

Sunday, 29 June 2008

Too much too Young - The Specials

You done too much much too young
You're married with a kid when you could be having fun with me
You done too much much too young
Now you're married with a son when you should be having fun with me

Don't wanna be rich, don't wanna be famous

Ain't he cute, no he ain't
He's just another burden on the welfare state

Call me immature, call me a poseur
I'll to spread manure in your bed of roses
Don't we wanna be rich Don't we wanna be famous
But I'd really hate to have the same name as you

You done too much much too young
Now you're chained to the kitchen making currant buns for tea

Ain't you heard of the starving millions
Ain't you heard of conraception
Do you really wanna go with the sterilization
Take control of the population boom
It's in your living room
Keep a generation gap
Try wearing a cap

Friday, 20 June 2008

Esbats - Moon festvals

Esbats - Moon festvals
An Esbat is in celebration of the Goddess, as a Sabbath is the celebration of the God. the Moon governs our emotions and is the gentle Mother of the sky. We see in the moon the cycle of a womans life as Maiden (waxing moon), Mother (full moon) and Crone (waning moon). In ancient times, the woman in many tribes and villages would share a menstrual cycle owing to the fact they were always so close to each other, their cycle would more often than not correlate with the Moons cycle. A womans cycle, shared or not is 28 days long, the same a lunar month. The Esbats are celebrated in sequence after Yule and follow thus:

1. The Wolf Moon: This full moon traditionally marks the deep of winter (winter solstice). Wolves appeared in homesteads mostly at this time of the year to seek food while the inhabitants struggled to keep warm and survive in their homes. We celebrate family, loyalty, realising your personal power and a good time to practice exatrasensory perception or lucid dreaming.
2. The Storm Moon: A time to celebrate and explore the mystery and power of duality. Balance is an essential component of Wicca. Polarities are revered and it is a time for cleansing to create power.
3. The Chaste Moon: Diana is pure and beautiful and spring time is upon us. Gaiea is fertile and overflowing with potential for the creation of new life. The Chaste moon is a time to honour purity and the balances of nature. It is time to celebrate nature and the mysteries of the Trinty of maiden, mother and crone; son, father and wiseman.
4. The Seed Moon: Spring is upon us and it is time to plant seeds and be joyful of the warming days and blooming earth. The powers of the five elements are particulary helpful at this time.
5. The Hare Moon: The Summer months have come and the creatures of nature bound about in gaiety and abundance. Many are in their mating season as nature brings forth new life. Advance toward your own goals at this time, balance your being and work on your surroundings. Fertility is the point of celebration on this joyous Esbat.
6. The Dyad Moon: The God and Goddess are united on this Esbat in the Great Rite, the Sacred union. We meet our yin or yang in perfect balance and in perfect harmony. "Let there be beauty strength, power and compassion, honor and humility, mirth and reverence, within you."Earth and Heaven are unted, inner and outer realms are celebrated in their unity of opposite. We can explore shapeshifting, astral travel and personal growth. This is a good time for handfastings or uniting any to opposing forces in your life.
7. The Mead Moon: This is a time to mark and celebrate hard work. The symbol of which is the tough and dedicated worker bee. Frantically and tirelessly gathering its honey from which we make our mead. This is also a good time to perform involved ritual that requires alot of energy. Seance, practce lucid dreaming andthe outer realms, communicate with magickal creatures.
8. The Wort Moon: Time to gather those herbs. At this Esbat we celebrate the sacred circular journies of life. It is time to consolidate body and soul, thoughts and ideas.
9. The Barley Moon: Following on the Wort Moon we celebrate and remeber the mysteries of the eternal nature of life. Barley is used to symbolise that cycle. Everything that is has always been and forever will be. Attain your goals at this time and cultivate willpower.
10. The Wine Moon: This is an auspicious time to cultivate phsychic abilities. It is a time of healing with the five elements. At this moon divination is at its most potent.
11. Blood Moon: We communicate with our forefathers at the Blood moon. Unions would do well if solidified at this time.
12. Snow Moon: As the pure white snow begins to fall (figuretively speaking, we dont have snow in S.A) we remember that not many get far with negative beliefs. This is a time to freeze out all our negativity and cultivate the power of our Higher beings, our Deity within.
13. Oak Moon: The final moon of the year concentrates on rebirth and renewal. We bury grudges and old fights and make new plans for the year ahead. We focus on realising our full potential with review and revitalisation.

Moon Phases
The Moon goes through many phases in her 28 day cycle. Each has its own purpose in casting (working magic). The four main phases always marked on a a Witches calender are as follows:

1. The Waxing Moon: During this phases, when the Moon is as a growing maiden, we put things into motion. Any constructive work is done at this stage. Seeds are sown to be reaped at the full moon. A time for building bridges
2. The Full Moon: Energy is abundant and limitless during a full moon. This is an auspicious time to call up energy, a good time for invoking the Quarters or Watchtowers of the five elements. At this time any workings done at the Waxing Moon can be expected to bear fruit.
3. The Waning Moon: Any destructive workings are best done at this time. For instance meditation on quiting an ugly habit will be most effective here or getting rid of bad influences in ones life. This is no time to start any new ventures.
4. The Void / Dark Moon: This time is very important to note. In the 28 day journey of the Heavenly Goddess, she slumbers at this time and will not be disturbed. Any working, rite or ritual performed at this time will either be unsuccessful or, at the worst, go irreparably wrong. This is the time to rest and reflect while allowing your energies to gather.

The Esbats

ESBAT: A regular meeting of the witches coven or circle that is traditionally held during the full moon approximately thirteen times a year. At an Esbat, the coveners exchange ideas, discuss problems and important issues, perform special rites, work magick and healings, and give thanks to or request help from the Goddess or Horned God. The Esbat should not be confused with the Sabbat, which takes place eight times within the course of a year and corresponds with the seasonal cycle of Sun and Earth. Esbats are a little different from sabbats. Generally, not as much preparation and ritual goes into celebrating them. Some Wiccans, like me, consider them to be the rituals held on the nights of the full moon throughout the year, for a total of 13 Esbats in all. Others believe them to be days or nights set aside for magickal workings. Here, any moon phase can be used for an Esbat, depending upon your need at the time. Since I generally hold to the full moon definition, I have included below the names, months and correspondences of each full moon throughout the year. The first list of moons, which is found directly below, is from Silver Ravenwolf's book To Ride A Silver Broomstick, and consists simply of month and moon names. The second list of moons is from D.J. Conway's book Moon Magick. This list contains names and correspondences for each moon and is therefore much more detailed. I have included both versions to demonstrate the variations and inconsistencies between different sources.

Wolf Moon - January
Storm Moon - February
Chaste Moon - March
Seed Moon - April
Hare Moon - May
Dyad (pair) Moon - June
Mead Moon - July
Wyrt (green plant) Moon - August
Barley Moon - September
Blood Moon - October
Snow Moon - November
Oak Moon - December
Blue Moon - variable

Wolf Moon (January)
Also known as: Quiet Moon, Snow Moon, Cold Moon, Chaste Moon, Disting Moon, Moon of Little Winter
Nature Spirits: gnomes, brownies
Herbs: marjoram, holy thistle, nuts, cones
Colors: brilliant white, blue-violet, black
Flowers: snowdrop, crocus
Scents: musk, mimosa
Stones: garnet, onyx, jet, chrysoprase
Trees: birch
Animals: fox, coyote
Birds: pheasant, blue jay
Deities: Freyja, Inanna, Sarasvati, Hera, Ch'ang-O, Sinn
Power Flow: sluggish, below the surface; beginning and conceiving. Protection, reversing spells. Conserving energy by working on personal problems that involve no one else. Getting your various bodies to work smoothly together for the same goals.

Ice Moon (February)
Also known as: Storm Moon, Horning Moon, Hunger Moon, Wild Moon, Red & Cleansing Moon, Quickening Moon, Solmonath (Sun Month), Big Winter Moon
Nature Spirits: house faeries, both of the home itself and of house plants
Herbs: balm of Gilead, hyssop, myrrh, sage, spikenard
Colors: light blue, violet
Flowers: primrose
Scents: wisteria, heliotrope
Stones: amethyst, jasper, rock crystal
Trees: rowan, laurel, cedar
Animals: otter, unicorn
Birds: eagle, chickadee
Deities: Brigit, Juno, Kuan Yin, Diana, Demeter, Persephone, Aphrodite
Power Flow: energy working toward the surface; purification, growth, healing. Loving the self. Accepting responsibility for past errors, forgiving yourself, and making future plans.

Storm Moon (March)
Also known as: Seed Moon, Moon of Winds, Plow Moon, Worm Moon, Hrethmonath (Hertha's Month), Lentzinmanoth (Renewal Month), Lenting Moon, Sap Moon, Crow Moon, Moon of the Snowblind
Nature Spirits: Mer-people, Air and Water beings who are connected with spring rains and storms
Herbs: broom, High John root, yellow dock, wood betony, Irish moss
Colors: pale green, red-violet
Flowers: jonquil, daffodil, violet
Scents: honeysuckle, apple blossom
Stones: aquamarine, bloodstone
Trees: alder, dogwood
Animals: cougar, hedgehog, boar
Birds: sea crow, sea eagle
Deities: Black Isis, the Morrigan, Hecate, Cybele, Astarte, Athene, Minerva, Artemis, Luna
Power Flow: energy breaks into the open; growing, prospering, exploring. New beginnings; balance of Light and Dark. Breaking illusions. Seeing the truth in your life however much it may hurt.

Growing Moon (April)
Also known as: Hare Moon, Seed or Planting Moon, Planter's Moon, Budding Trees Moon, Eastermonath (Eostre Month), Ostarmanoth, Pink Moon, Green Grass Moon
Nature Spirits: plant faeries
Herbs: basil, chives, dragon's blood, geranium, thistle
Colors: crimson red, gold
Flowers: daisy, sweetpea
Scents: pine, bay, bergamot, patchouli
Stones: ruby, garnet, sard
Trees: pine, bay, hazel
Animals: bear, wolf
Birds: hawk, magpie
Deities: Kali, Hathor, Anahita, Ceres, Ishtar, Venus, Bast
Power Flow: energy into creating and producing; return balance to the nerves. Change, self-confidence, self-reliance, take advantage of opportunities. Work on temper and emotional flare-ups and selfishness.

Hare Moon (May)
Also known as: Merry or Dyad Moon, Bright Moon, Flower Moon, Frogs Return Moon, Thrimilcmonath (Thrice-Milk Month), Sproutkale, Winnemanoth (Joy Month), Planting Moon, Moon When the Ponies Shed
Nature Spirits: faeries, elves
Herbs: dittany of Crete, elder, mint, rose, mugwort, thyme, yarrow
Colors: green, brown, pink
Flowers: lily of the valley, foxglove, rose, broom
Scents: rose, sandalwood
Stones: emerald, malachite, amber, carnelian
Trees: hawthorn
Animals: cats, lynx, leopard
Birds: swallow, dove, swan
Deities: Bast, Venus, Aphrodite, Maia, Diana, Artemis, Pan, Horned God
Power Flow: full creating energy; propagation. Intuition, contact with faeries and other supernatural beings. Strengthen connection with supernatural protectors and beings around you. Power flowing from the Greenwood Gods and trees.

Mead Moon (June)
Also known as: Moon of Horses, Lovers' Moon, Strong Sun Moon, Honey Moon, Aerra Litha (Before Lithia), Brachmanoth (Break Month), Strawberry Moon, Rose Moon, Moon of Making Fat
Nature Spirits: sylphs, zephyrs
Herbs: skullcap, meadowsweet, vervain, tansy, dog grass, parsley, mosses
Colors: orange, golden-green
Flowers: lavender, orchid, yarrow
Scents: lily of the valley, lavender
Stones: topaz, agate, alexandrite, fluorite
Trees: oak
Animals: monkey, butterfly, frog, toad
Birds: wren, peacock
Deities: Aine of Knockaine, Isis, Neith, Green Man, Cerridwen, Bendis, Ishtar
Power Flow: full but restful energy; protect, strengthen, and prevent. A time of Light; Earth tides are turning. Decision-making, taking responsibility for present happenings. Work on personal inconsistencies. Strengthen and reward yourself for your positive traits.

Hay Moon (July)
Also known as: Wort Moon, Moon of Claiming, Moon of Blood (because of mosquitoes), Blessing Moon, Maedmonat (Meadow Month), Hewimanoth (Hay Month), Fallow Moon, Buck Moon, Thunder Moon
Nature Spirits: hobgoblins (small, grotesque but friendly brownie-type creatures), faeries of harvested crops
Herbs: honeysuckle, agrimony, lemon balm, hyssop
Colors: silver, blue-gray
Flowers: lotus, water lily, jasmine
Scents: orris, frankincense
Stones: pearl, moonstone, white agate
Trees: oak, acacia, ash
Animals: crab, turtle, dolphin, whale
Birds: starling, ibis, swallow
Deities: Khepera, Athene, Juno, Hel, Holda, Cerridwen, Nephthys, Venus
Power Flow: relaxed energy; preparing; succeeding. Dream-work, divination, and meditation on goals and plans, especially spiritual ones.

Corn Moon (August)
Also known as: Barley Moon, Dispute Moon, Weodmonath (Vegetation Month), Harvest Moon, Moon When Cherries Turn Black
Nature Spirits: dryads
Herbs: chamomile, St. John's wort, bay, angelica, fennel, rue, orange
Colors: yellow, gold
Flowers: sunflower, marigold
Scents: frankincense, heliotrope
Stones: cat's eye, carnelian, jasper, fire agate
Trees: hazel, alder, cedar
Animals: lion, phoenix, sphinx, dragon
Birds: crane, falcon, eagle
Deities: Ganesha, Thoth, Hathor, Diana, Hecate, Nemesis
Power Flow: energy into harvesting; gathering, appreciating. Vitality, health. Friendships.

Harvest Moon (September)
Also known as: Wine Moon, Singing Moon, Sturgeon Moon, Haligmonath (Holy Month), Witumanoth (Wood Month), Moon When Deer Paw the Earth
Nature Spirits: trooping faeries
Herbs: copal, fennel, rye, wheat, valerian, skullcap
Colors: brown, yellow-green, yellow
Flowers: narcissus, lily
Scents: storax, mastic, gardenia, bergamont
Stones: peridot, olivine, chrysolite, citrine
Trees: hazel, larch, bay
Animals: snake, jackal
Birds: ibis, sparrow
Deities: Demeter, Ceres, Isis, Nephthys, Freyja, Ch'ang-O, Thoth
Power Flow: rest after labor; balance of Light and Dark. Organize. Clean and straighten up physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual clutter.

Blood Moon (October)
Also known as: Harvest Moon, Shedding Moon, Winterfelleth (Winter Coming), Windermanoth (Vintage Month), Falling Leaf Moon, Ten Colds Moon, Moon of the Changing Season
Nature Spirits: frost faeries, plant faeries
Herbs: pennyroyal, thyme, catnip, uva ursi, angelica, burdock
Colors: dark blue-green
Flowers: calendula, marigold, cosmos
Scents: strawberry, apple blossom, cherry
Stones: opal, tourmaline, beryl, turquoise
Trees: yew, cypress, acacia
Animals: stag, jackal, elephant, ram, scorpion
Birds: heron, crow, robin
Deities: Ishtar, Astarte, Demeter, Kore, Lakshmi, Horned God, Belili, Hathor
Power Flow: to let go; inner cleansing. Karma and reincarnation. Justice and balance. Inner harmony.

Blue Moon (October 27-November 1)
Also known as: Moon of the Dead, Hunting Moon, Ancestor Moon, Hunter's Moon
Nature Spirits: banshees and other beings who carry messages between worlds
Herbs: ginger, hops, wormwood, hyssop, patchouli, mugwort, nutmeg, star anise
Colors: black, white, purple
Flowers: white lily, dahlia, chrysanthemum
Scents: rosemary, dragon's blood, lilac, pine, wisteria
Stones: obsidian, onyx, Apache tear
Trees: pine, cypress, yew, elder
Animals: bat, wolf, sow, dog, snake
Birds: owls, raven, falcon
Deities: Cybele, Circe, Hel, Nephthys, Cerridwen, Horned God, Caillech, Freyja, Holda
Power Flow: release, remember; communion with the dead. Prophecy. Releasing old negative memories and emotions.

Snow Moon (November)
Also known as: Dark Moon, Fog Moon, Beaver Moon, Mourning Moon, Blotmonath (Sacrifice Month), Herbistmanoth (Harvest Month), Mad Moon, Moon of Storms, Moon When Deer Shed Antlers
Nature Spirits: subterranean faeries
Herbs: grains of paradise, verbena, betony, borage, cinquefoil, blessed thistle
Colors: gray, sea-green
Flowers: blooming cacti, chrysanthemum
Scents: cedar, cherry blossoms, hyacinth, narcissus, peppermint, lemon
Stones: topaz, hyacinth, lapis lazuli
Trees: alder, cypress
Animals: unicorn, scorpion, crocodile, jackal
Birds: owl, goose, sparrow
Deities: Kali, Black Isis, Nicnevin, Hecate, Bast, Osiris, Sarasvati, Lakshmi, Skadi, Mawu
Power Flow: take root, prepare. Transformation. Strengthen communication with the god or goddess who seems closest to you.

Cold Moon (December)
Also known as: Oak Moon, Wolf Moon, Moon of Long Nights, Long Night's Moon, Aerra Geola (Month Before Yule), Wintermonat (Winter Month), Heilagmanoth (Holy Month), Big Winter Moon, Moon of Popping Trees
Nature Spirits: snow faeries, storm faeries, winter tree faeries
Herbs: holly, English ivy, fir, mistletoe
Colors: blood red, white and black
Flowers: holly, poinsettia, Christmas cactus
Scents: violet, patchouli, rose geranium, frankincense, myrrh, lilac
Stones: serpentine, jacinth, peridot
Trees: pine, fir, holly
Animals: mouse, deer, horse, bear
Birds: rook, robin, snowy owl
Deities: Hathor, Hecate, Neith, Athene, Minerva, Ixchel, Osiris, Norns, Fates
Power Flow: to endure, die, be reborn; Earth tides turning. Darkness. Personal alchemy. Spiritual paths. Reach out to friends and family, the lonely and needy.

Saturday, 14 June 2008

Friday, 13 June 2008


Needing consolation, needing encouragement and needing somebody that can understand and speak for me, when I do not have any voice left.
Turning around and realising that, despite all those messages and vain words from those who I had considered to be my friends, I am alone. ( I bet that somebody might think "oh well, dear, deal with it, we are ALL alone", well I say to these that each one of us have different necessities in life, I need the PACK which I haven't got, anymore).

All I can hear is "oh well, if you decided this way then that's your choice" or "oh I cannot answer you, do what you think it's better" or even: "if you want to talk I'm here" (when I haven't heard from that person in months!) " nobody has forgotten you" oh really? Nobody?
I wonder.
"I forgotten about how much I missed you" if you had forgotten it's because you are NOT missing me, face it. And please, don't be hypocritical towards yourself.

This is not help, this is an hypocritical behaviour of those that want to come across as willing to help, as friends but they just can't be arsed.

"I'm here, darling" here like what? A pillar?a chair? A tile in the bathroom? A fly?a inanimate object on the shelves?.
That's a great help, like erm…like a walkman to a deafperson.
Do you call this helping someone???

I had spoken out for many people, I had in the past gone through trouble, lost friends for other people.
Are they ready to do it for me? I am not asking for a payback I do not do things for the sake of receiving something back but when I NEED help i don't find ANYONE ready to lend a hand.
I am thinking that probably I shouldn't have done that. I should have thought about mysef. Nobody ever spoke out for me.
Nobody EVER that offered to help me, they are all there like floating entities detached from my life but they like to think they are part of it.

please do not bother sending me messages, I have put myself on away mode, do not bother giving me explaination, each one of you will have a valid one to hold the alibi up for long. And I'd like to point out that.

I am not accusing anyone, I am just pondering on the state of things. I am thinking out loud. It maybe had just been a big misunderstanding from my part.
Maybe I thought that I could consider some real friends whilst they never considered me as such (and that would explain why they have never noticed that I disappeared for so long, and they never questiones themselves , why and what happened to Sara).
Afterall it IS human nature done that way.
So no grudge, no anger. Just a little bit of delusion on MY false perception of the people I hung out with for a good period of time....

Trying to raise my head out of the waters has been hard in this last year and now that I was gaining some confidence back, it all crumbled again at my feet.

I do not ask for help and I will never sort those problems that I am dragging with me since 3 years ago now.
I am NOT asking for anything, I never ask for anything i do not want to be the depressed person always winging everywhere nor I want to be the attention seeker and I do understand and know that many of you have valid reason for not being able to help.

I am very near to delete this profile, I do not do that because of those which I can only keep in touch through here. My Mobile Phone will be switched off [edit] i LOST MY BOBILE PHONE and few of you have my email, even fewer know where I live or know my home number so if you have those and you wanna get in touch just know that my Mobile phome is non existant anymore. Of course I am active on DeviantArt and if you have a profile you can also send me pvt messages there.

I have lost Will, I have lost strength, I have lost myself along with Love.

Monday, 9 June 2008

last weekend

Coming out of a busy weekend! :)
Finally I have managed to use quite a lot the new baby :)
Will be posting some more pictures on DEVIANTART(the latest ones are all taken with the D60) On Saturday it has been the UKDK communities reuinion mini-festival in Luton.
I went with a friend and there, I met up with more friends and acquaintances.

Yvette, Jason, Russ, Loopy, Fish, Phil, Tibor, Spon and I have finally assisted at a UKDK live performance, the first one after the decision to re-unite.
On stage we had witnessed also at another special appearance: Click Click.
They brought back the darkest-electronic sound directly from the 80s Cabaret Voltaire/Clock DVA feeling.
Loved every minute of it, I SO fucking loved it.

Hopefully my pictures won't be too bad (still have a lot to learn as far as taking pictures at gigs is concerned -any suggestion is highly welcomed - ) and I will post as much as I can, either on DEVIANTART and on my Picasa Web Album.

Rubella Ballet played too and weirdly they were headlining, this is the only thing I wasn't too happy about: why Rubella Ballet Headlining when the whole event had been done FOR and BY the UKDECAY COMMUNITY in Luton?
I mean, I understand that RB ARE in fact part of that community BUT it was UKDK reuiniting not rubella ballet. The majority of the people were there FOR UK Decay!!!

I saw Click Click and I saw UK Decay and most of all I saw people that I hadn't seen for more than a year and THAT made me happy.
As usual, although the feeling was a different one- more "corporate" feeling rather the local-underground-genuine one, it was a great event:without egos nor attitude.