Die geheimen Tagebücher von einer verderbten Existenz

Behind these gates you will hear my thoughts screaming like nerves under the sun and feel my emotion laughing to the empty ether.
Welcome Dear Wanderer, make yourself at home.
The road is long and tortuous and I hope you enjoy yourself.

Fraternally Yours,
Poison Creeper

Thursday, 30 July 2009

Always the Sun - The Stranglers Lyrics

How many times have you woken up and prayed for the rain?
How many times have you seen the papers apportion the blame?
Who gets to say?
Who gets to work and who gets to play?
I was always told at school, everybody should get the same.

How many times have you been told if you don't ask you don't get?
How many times have you wasted your money? your Mother said you shouldnt bet.
Who has the fun?
Is it always a man with a gun?
Someone must have told you if you work to hard you can sweat?

There's always the sun.
There's always the sun.
Always, always,always the sun.

How many times has the weatherman told you stories that made you laugh?
You know its not upto the Politicians and leaders, when they do things by halves.
Who gets the job?
Of pushing the knob.
Thats what responsibility you draw straws for if your mad enough.

There's always the sun.
There's always the sun.
Always, always,always the sun.

There's always the sun.
There's always the sun.
Always, always,always the sun.

Wednesday, 29 July 2009

7 of cups

Introduction: The 7 of Cups is a card about choices. It often indicates confusion and can even also point to disorganization and too much going on.
General: In general this card points to a need to narrow your focus. When it appears, you are probably trying to do too much, and doing most of it not very well. Choose just a few of the myriad things that are on your plate, and work through these items one by one, carefully. You may be feeling overwhelmed. Remember that you can control at least in some areas, how much you are trying to take on.

Work: If a business or work deal seems too good to be true, it probably IS too good to be true. Watch where you put your money and who you put your trust in. If you work (or want to work) in a creative field of some kind, this is an excellent omen for making good progress, however if your job or field is more precise, mathematical, and business like, this energy carries the warning that you may be spending too much time with your head in the clouds and need to refocus.

Love: You may have several romantic choices at hand. Be clear and specific about what you want in a relationship, evaluate your choices thoughtfully, be honest and as clear as you can be with all people involved (including yourself) then move ahead. Beware falling in love with the "heady rush" that happens only at the beginning of a relationship. In no relationship does that rush last forever. Good relationships, even soul mate relationships, will settle into a less "rush-based" comfort zone at some point. That does not mean that you have to stay in a rut.

Finances: This is not a good time to make financial investments. If you must, consult a professional or do a lot of homework, first. You may be too scattered businesswise (and this holds true particularly if you own your own business.) For maximum return, focus your efforts.

Health: Any symptoms that you are experiencing may be at least partially due to a lack of being grounded, but of course consult your doctor to be sure. Keep a journal of your symptoms and also of your thoughts. Physical exercise will help you stay grounded.

Spirituality: Visualize your most important goals and desires being met. Use positive affirmations and/or treasuremapping to help make your dreams come true. Keep a positive attitude. If you need help doing so, reach out for it. There are plenty of positive influences available to you, you just need to know where to look.

I think the general meaning about choices to make, about the fact that I haven't been grounded with my head on the clouds and the part about too many opportunity that got me in complete confusion regarding what I really want, is entirely applicable.Infact, last night's reading was encouraging me to calm down and wait; I'm on the verge of a big change I have to use all my Temperance and wait. Last night's spread was scarily so connected to the one I had done months ago, like I have picked up where I had left the time before. I have just to learn how to foresee complications for example. But that is another chapter I still have to be ready for.The show must go on but I have to pull my breaks and breath. One thing at the time like the old T.O.P.Y. says.Focus my Will, but first I have to find it once again. Something good happened today and I am HAPPY for it,I am saying it with all my heart.x

Tuesday, 28 July 2009

Le Chat

”When you’re used to hearing purring
and suddenly it’s gone,
it’s hard to silence the blaring sound of sadness.”

~ Missy Altijd

This is, in the end, nothing that have never been written to a cat, but it something that I felt I HAD to write, to take it off my chest, onto this machine, to share with others that will surely understand:

So, you have gone.

I brought you in our family, letting you sleep on my pillow at nights when you weren't having milk unless it was fed by me.
I remember when you escaped the first time; when I went cycling around looking for you for 2 days and on the third one, my auntie, woke me up, in the early hours of the morning, because you were downstairs, at the door, all dirty and sickly: you had come back by yourself.
When I left my family it was like I had never left: you were sitting on my place on the bench at dinner. The same seat that you didn't want to give me back when I was visiting!
When I first came back every time I was leaving the house you were watching me from the glass door. silent.
Keeping my feet warm at night and then jumping on each of our beds trying to find the most comfortable place: you always loved my brother's bad the most or when we couldn't find you for a whole day and you were placidly sleeping in the clean laundry shelf, you Cat!
When you were jumping at our ankles in the night if you had met one of us walking silently in the corridor.
When you would let me lift you to the windowsill of the bathroom window everytime I was sitting on the toilette, untill when you had grown older and heavier you weren't able anymore to stay up there long, you would stare outside that world unknown seen from a different view than the usual balconies and then jump straight down in the comfort of your reign.
When you used to stroke your head against mine when I was crying.
I remember this and much more, I still can't believe you are gone, my feline brother.
I'll miss you even if I didn't live the majority of your life with you, when I went chasing my teenage dreams: I know you have always understood my restlessness, there was something wild in the way you didn't want to be stroked or to be cuddled, you had wilderness in your blood, Tiger!
My Dad told me that tonight, after dinner they sat on the sofa and looked around:"there is something missing here tonight" he told on the phone. "it will be hard to get used to it, you know?". Him that didn't want the cat, once!

I'll miss what you meant to me and what you meant to all of us, back at home.

summer 1996 - summer 2009
My birthday brought you to me and my birthday took you away.

“Way down deep,
we’re all motivated by the same urges.
Cats have the courage to live by them.”

~ Jim Davis
“A meow massages the heart.”
~ Stuart McMillan

“Time spent with cats is never wasted.”
~ May Sarton

“It always gives me a shiver
when I see a cat seeing what I can’t see.”

~ Eleanor Farjeon

“There has never been a cat Who couldn’t calm me down
By walking slowly Past my chair.”

~ Rod McKuen

I believe cats to be spirits come to earth.
A cat, I am sure, could walk on a cloud without coming through.

~ Jules Verne

Ode To The Cat -- Pablo Neruda

de To Cats
There was something wrong with the animals:
their tails were too long and they had
unfortunate heads.
Then they started coming together,
little by little
fitting together to make a landscape,
developing birthmarks, grace, pep.
But the cat,
only the cat
turned out finished,
and proud:
born in a state of total completion,
it sticks to itself and knows
exactly what it wants.

Pablo Neruda

Cat's Dream

How neatly a cat sleeps,
sleeps with its paws and its posture,
sleeps with its wicked claws,
and with its unfeeling blood,
sleeps with all the rings--
a series of burnt circles--
which have formed the odd geology
of its sand-colored tail.

I should like to sleep like a cat,
with all the fur of time,
with a tongue rough as flint,
with the dry sex of fire;
and after speaking to no one,
stretch myself over the world,
over roofs and landscapes,
with a passionate desire
to hunt the rats in my dreams.

I have seen how the cat asleep
would undulate, how the night
flowed through it like dark water;
and at times, it was going to fall
or possibly plunge into
the bare deserted snowdrifts.
Sometimes it grew so much in sleep
like a tiger's great-grandfather,
and would leap in the darkness over
rooftops, clouds and volcanoes.

Sleep, sleep cat of the night,
with episcopal ceremony
and your stone-carved moustache.
Take care of all our dreams;
control the obscurity
of our slumbering prowess
with your relentless heart
and the great ruff of your tail.

Translated by Alastair Reid

Pablo Neruda

WE must Bleed

It's Sunday and the streets aren't clear
The traffic's screaming
but we can't hear
The sounds...the metals...
driving us mad...
The sounds...the metals...
driving us mad...
We must bleed, we must bleed,
we must bleed

The crash as the bottle breaks
Flashes it will through my veins
The pain...the colors...
making me sane...
The pain...the colors...
making me sane...
the pain...the colors...
making me sane...
We must bleed, we must bleed,
we must bleed

I'm not one I'm two, I'm not one
I'm two, I'm not one I'm two
I want out now, I want out now
I want out now now now now now
now now now...

Resistance is Coming - "We are Black We are White, Together we are Dynamite"


Resistance is coming together
by Chris Bambery

Wednesday 1 April was one of those days where everything suddenly came together.

The day began with the news that, following the lead of their fellow Visteon workers in Belfast, workers at the company?s plant in north London had occupied against closure. I heard the news while I was at Moorgate in the City of London, preparing to march on the Bank of England.

We set off, following one of the demonstration?s four horsemen of the apocalypse ? war. The student Stop the War delegation from Scotland, en route to the anti-Nato protests in Strasbourg, brought the march alive with everyone joining in their chants.

By the time we got to our destination we were in our thousands, chanting ?jump? at the bankers watching from above and testing the cops as we pushed on towards the bank?s main entrance.

It was a great protest. The Scottish students and I managed to avoid being ?contained? by the police. We left before the police cordon closed and joined the anti-war march from the US embassy.

The day seemed to form one whole. Whatever action people took, they were united in the belief that we should not have to pay to rescue capitalism. Everyone who heard about Visteon was enthused.

The howl of media rage against the City protests was far more muted than that which greeted anti-capitalist demonstrations earlier this decade. This is because popular feeling is now against the bankers.

Together, the Visteon workers and the protesters have shown the potential to create an army of resistance with the capacity to win.

Of course, it?s still only potential. The Put People First demonstration, which involved tens of thousands of trade unionists, on Saturday 28 March had shown the strengths and weaknesses. The overwhelming majority of those present under the age of 25 were not part of the trade union delegations. They marched with the NGOs, anti-war groups and other campaign bodies.

No division

But there is no division between the workers occupying at Visteon, trade unionists marching against the G20, and those demonstrating in the City or outside the US embassy.

Millions of people are angry that the bosses and the politicians want to make us pay for this crisis.

The capitalists want to divide us. The right wing press claims that those without pensions should blame public sector workers, who will supposedly have a great life in retirement.

They say workers without permanent contracts should blame the ?privileged? who have them and ?enjoy? hard won benefits accordingly. And they urge us to blame migrant workers for our ills.

The trick is to overcome that and build on the desire for a united fight over jobs.

In the first place, this means ensuring that the actions of workers at Visteon, Prisme, Waterford Crystal and other places in occupation become known across Britain. We have to push the argument that people must occupy their place of work to defeat attacks on jobs.

Secondly it means building to ensure the Unite union?s demonstration over jobs in Birmingham on Saturday 16 May is simply massive.

It?s in an area facing serious job losses, particularly in the car plants, and one being targeted by the fascist BNP in the upcoming Euro elections.

A united demonstration in one of Britain?s most multiracial cities can provide another stepping stone towards a united job fight.

Third, we need to unite round every aspect of resistance.

Lastly, this summer hundreds of thousands of people will leave school and college. They will face dole queues or dead end jobs. Many will have demonstrated against war or other issues, some will have occupied their college for Gaza. They can be a fighting force for change.

Those on the right, such as the BNP, will seek to profit from the discontent that burns. The left and the wider working class movement must ensure that peoples? anger is unleashed on the right targets.

When we marched against mass unemployment years ago we chanted, ?We are black, we are white, together we are dynamite.? On 1 April the forces of resistance might have been separated by location, but taken together it felt like we were dynamite.

Saturday, 25 July 2009


(* The name of a game, known in English as "Jack's alight.")

WE young people in the shade

Sat one sultry day;
Cupid came, and "Dies the Fox"

With us sought to play.

Each one of my friends then sat

By his mistress dear;
Cupid, blowing out the torch,

Said: "The taper's here!"

Then we quickly sent around

The expiring brand;
Each one put it hastily

ln his neighbour's hand.

Dorilis then gave it me,

With a scoffing jest;
Sudden into flame it broke,

By my fingers press'd.

And it singed my eyes and face,

Set my breast on fire;
Then above my head the blaze

Mounted ever higher.

Vain I sought to put it out;

Ever burned the flame;
Stead of dying, soon the Fox

Livelier still became.


Friday, 24 July 2009

Shadowplay - Joy Division/Warsaw Lyrics

To the centre of the city where all roads meet, waiting for you,
To the depths of the ocean where all hopes sank, searching for you,
I was moving through the silence without motion, waiting for you,
In a room with a window in the corner I found truth.

In the shadowplay, acting out your own death, knowing no more,
As the assassins all grouped in four lines, dancing on the floor,
And with cold streel, odour on their bodies mad a move to connect,
But I could only stare in disbelief as the crowds all left.

I did everything, everything I wanted to,
I let them use you for their own ends,
To the centre of the city in the night, waiting for you.
To the centre of the city in the night, waiting for you.

Novelty - Warsaw Lyrics

When the people listen to you don't you
know it means a lot 'cos you've got to
work so hard for everything you've got
Can't rest on your laurels now
Not when you've got none
You'll find yourself in a gutter
Right back where you came from

Someone told me being in the know
is the main thing
We all need the security
that belonging brings
Can't stand on your own in these times
against all the odds
I don't want to act uncool
at all the other sods

You slap your back
and pretend you knew about all the things
that we were gonna do
What ya gonna do,
what ya gonna do when it's over?
You're all on your own now,
Don't you think that's a shame
But you're the only one
responsible that's to blame
When ya gonna grow up and act,
and be yourself 'cos pretty soon
you'll find yourself nailed to the shelf
Grab it while you can, but don't
ever relax, 'cos there's always
someone gonna stab your back
What ya gonna do, what ya gonna do

Sleepwalker - Xmal Deutschland lyrics

I watched you sleep
I watched you dream
While moons
Have passed and slipped away
Oh, it could have been years
Or only seconds ago
Do you wonder
Where you are going to?

You're moving ahead of the world outside
When you've gone and slept away
The tide is out, high or low I cannot follow you
And wide awake
I'm bound to stay on the edge of time

Oh I wish I were you
Or only could know
If you wonder
Where you are going to?

You're moving ahead of the world outside
When you've gone and slept away
The tide is out, high or low i cannot follow you
And wide awake
I'm bound to stay on the edge of time

You're moving ahead of the world outside
When you've gone and slept away
The tide is out, high or low i cannot follow you
And wide awake
I'm bound to stay on the edge of time
You're moving ahead of the world outside
When you've gone and slept away
You're moving ahead...

The Moon, The Stag and the Fox

The moon was full when she decided to part.
The Stag sang towards her his pain and the Fox walked away.
She turned her back and looked ahead, she looked inside her and parted from him.
Nights devoured by loneliness and days filled with doubts are all she can see..
She chose to walk that dark path alone and only alone she will be able to find a way out.
"I don't want to drag you down with me, my wilderness and my unpredictability is what is killing you and is what is keeping me alive"
She stepped ahead without turning and painted her pink into black.
"We both need to mourn" the Stag had said .
From a full moon to another they will mourn and she will keep on screaming at her, asking her why things need to end this way, why hasn't she reached the end of the dark patch yet, she fell again in it, unexpectedly or it was just another oasis, another emotional illusion or a real thing. Was it something she wasn't ready for? Or something she was too afraid of? The long Stag?s antlers were like the branches of a strong and ancient tree, so tall and resistant; she turned around and looked for him and all she could see was the forest, many antlers or many trees.
She screamed again and walked, away from him.
Another step, another tear, another full moon.


Quiet and hooded, his eyes stared out, small hands
make patterns on the window. Body shifting on wood,
dog outside the door, flickering memories as trains
maneuver in the old men's eyes. Forever part of a sleep-
ing world, waiting for him to come. Lost dreams of
childhood forgotten like hope. These lives are grey
stones made for cemeteries, this time the victim is
desired, like misery. He stepped down from the train,
dust on road and clothes, across the way a boy was
grinning, hard-on obvious in torn grey trousers
inherited from an earlier victim of the white horse.
Filing past the flowers and signs full of dreams,
light of night filtering where woof tiles slipped,
into that darkness. Each ritual makes demand, a hope-
less coil of expensive death affirming our exeistence.
The direction never changes, never falters. Along
those derelict lines lines to journey's end. Small hands
smear juice on flesh squeezing tight crinkling of
skin against worn eyes. There is no need of light.
Somewhere, in the secret cathedral, small movements,
the whole area covered in sheets of snow, pitted by
huts. He had no expectations, there was no reason,
breathing short as the text on the wall. Whenever the
dog moved, the night trembled, shimmering like water
moved by leaves in a forest. Marks of cold spray in
the dust, as in the future faded by choice. Our appetite
for miracles is not enough. Here, only animals
remain, immaculate, seduced by pain. Ending fear into
specters of welcome. Floor stained with patients. The
moment of least action. He moved like a rat in rubble
toward the sheets of snow, awake and empty, like an
old house, the place where all dreams meet. "He was
grinning before he jumped".
Las night the boy came. Open arms. Black hair.
Strong. Empty pale face. A volunteer. Unsure of why
he came. Seduced by pain. A faded painting. Waiting
for release, he blinked, looked up at the ceiling,
let out a tiny gasp praying for oblivion.
No engines anymoore. The machine engine's stopped. No
ghosts of death playing in the grass. Just simple, as
you would expect. No physical core. No smiles of love
from pitted carriages. Just an empty town. Derelict.
No way to identify. Sound playing across skin like
fingers. Just as ampty as flesh. What do you want?
Nothing in particular. No reason at all. Just a noise
of dreams at the door. Just as before. Did you see
This is the place where all roads meet, the place
where all is the secret. The Place where time stands
still in the comfort of night and love becomes will
in the presence of light. I never want to leave. I
never want to leave. I never want to leave.

My Horoscope For today ... funny ... quite appropriate again... :(

Your negative side
Weak, transient effect: This morning you are inclined to keep your feelings and innermost thoughts to yourself. A sense of loneliness or isolation frequently accompanies this period of time, or depression and a general sense of pessimism. Domestic problems may also accompany this influence, usually because you feel that in some way your domestic life is not giving you what it should. This is part of a larger feeling that you are not getting support or assistance from anyone or anything, which may or may not be true. Your real problem is either that you are cut off from your emotions or that your emotions are too unpleasant to deal with. This influence may force you to briefly experience what you consider to be your negative side. Thus there is a strong conflict between what you think of yourself and what you think you should be.

Thursday, 23 July 2009

Love Secret Domains - Coil Lyrics

Oh rose, thou art sick
Seduce.. let loose
The vision and the void
Blood sickle.. honey suck

In little children's heavy heads
My dreams erupt while in my bed
Innocence is dripping red

In dreams I walk with you
In dreams I talk with you
In dreams
You're mine
All of the time

Heads on fire and drunken lights
Days devoured by hungry nights
In love's secret domain
This is mad love
This is mad love
In love's secret domain

Sweet tortures fly on mystery wings
Pure evil is when flowers sing
My heart
My heart is a rose
This is mad love, Oh
This is mad love
In love's secret domain

Give sanity a longer leash
Some of us have sharper teeth
In love's secret domain

In dreams I walk with you..
In dreams I talk with you
In dreams..
You're mine
All of the time

Oh rose, Thou art sick
The invisible worm
The vision and the void
The blood sickle cuts
And the honey sucks

Oh rose, thou art sick.


after a terribly sad and painful 2008 - a year which saw the passing of our dearest friend matt kinnison and also the theft of our back catalogue by italian robbers abraxas records (they even stole the name wheesht for the current re-issues of "camouflage heart" and "in this world".please stop buying these records as they were part of a calculated rip-off) - 2009 is shaping up to be a much more productive and heartening year...

we are delighted to announce that CINDYTALK will be releasing three albums with possibly our favourite record label in the world - editions MEGO.for me personally, this is one of the highest moments of a 33 year long musical journey.praxis is the only label i have previously been this excited to have had an association with.eMEGO will be releasing "THE CRACKLE OF MY SOUL" on the 2nd of november 2009 and will follow that with "UP HERE IN THE CLOUDS" in early 2010.the third album "HOLD EVERYTHING DEAR" still needs a little tweaking but will hopefully be released between spring and summer 2010.these albums are, in the main, abstract computer electronics and will hopefully help to reposition cindytalk musically.
we are equally thrilled to announce that we will be taking our brand of abstract electronics and live band organics to FRANCE,SWITZERLAND & SCOTLAND in october this year.a short tour has been organised with friends in those countries and we are all very much looking forward to the experience.hope to see you there...

it will be especially thrilling for me to play in EDINBURGH.cindytalk started life there in 1982 but moved to london soon after.the last time i performed in my home country was in 1981,with the freeze.2009 will definately be a homecoming year for cindytalk... can't wait.
cinder x
tour dates as follows :
2 Oct 2009
Bordeaux, Aquitaine
with Oharu and Hypos
3 Oct 2009
Le Floride
Nantes, Bretagne
with Les Modules Etranges,Hide &
Seek and Wehwalt
6 Oct 2009
Kab De L’usine
with Blind Cave Salamander
8 Oct 2009
Le Klub
Paris, Ile-de-France
with Hide & Seek
10 Oct 2009
Cherbourg, Basse-Normandie
24 Oct 2009
The Voodoo Rooms
Edinburgh, Scotland
plus guests and dj's.

Eve Ov Destruction - PTV Lyrics

The eastern world, it is exploding
Violence flarin’, bullets loadin’
You’re old enough to kill, but not for votin’
You don’t believe in war, but what’s that gun you’re totin’
And even the Jordan River has bodies floatin’

But you tell me
Over and over and over again, my friend
Ah, you don’t believe
We’re on the eve
of destruction.

Don’t you understand what I’m tryin’ to say
Can’t you feel the fears I’m feelin’ today?
If the button is pushed, there’s no runnin’ away
There’ll be no one to save, with the world in a grave
[Take a look around ya boy, it's bound to scare ya boy]

And you tell me
Over and over and over again, my friend
Ah, you don’t believe
We’re on the eve
of destruction.

Yeah, my blood’s so mad feels like coagulatin’
I’m sitting here just contemplatin’
I can’t twist the truth, it knows no regulation.
Handful of senators don’t pass legislation
And marches alone can’t bring integration
When human respect is disintegratin’
This whole crazy world is just too frustratin’

And you tell me
Over and over and over again, my friend
Ah, you don’t believe
We’re on the eve
of destruction.

Think of all the hate there is in Red China
Then take a look around to Selma, Alabama
You may leave here for 4 days in space
But when you return, it’s the same old place
The poundin’ of the drums, the pride and disgrace
You can bury your dead, but don’t leave a trace
Hate your next-door neighbor, but don’t forget to say grace
And… tell me over and over and over and over again, my friend
You don’t believe
We’re on the eve
Of destruction
Mm, no no, you don’t believe
We’re on the eve
of destruction.

Todays Horoscope

Today is your astrological birthday, even though it may be different from your calendar birthday.

As would seem appropriate with this transit, today is a day of new beginnings, and the influences you feel today will affect the entire year to come. However, this does not mean that the whole year will be disappointing if today doesn't work out exactly as planned. You are receiving a new impulse from the energy center within you, as symbolized by the Sun. Therefore any new venture that you start at this time will ride the crest of this new energy and will very likely come to an acceptable conclusion. Whatever you do or begin today will bear the stamp of your individuality more than anything else. This is the day to assert yourself anew.

Be - C 93 lyrics

From a swerven shore to bend of bay
Just as easy to die on a bright sunny day

When my mind and heart return
To count the crackings of my faults
To try and tell the form is dark
To pitch a pain and make it hold
To crawl through rain in dust parched bowl
These are the things we may not do
This is where the light grows dim
This is where all voice is stutter
This is where all lips shall crack
This is where my life has led me
This is where I chose to stay
This is where I fall apart

Wednesday, 22 July 2009

Shine On - House Of Love Lyrics

In a garden in the house of love, sitting lonely on a plastic chair
The sun is cruel when he hides away, I need a sister - I'll just stay
A little girl, a little guy - in a little church or in a school
Little Jesus are you watching me, I'm so young - just eighteen

She, she, she, she Shine On
Shine On
Shine On

In a garden in a house of love, there's nothing real just a coat of arms
I'm not the pleasure that I used to be - so young - just eighteen

She, she, she, she Shine On
Shine On
Shine On

I don't know why I dream this way
The sky is purple and things are right every day
I don't know, it's just this world's so far away
But I won't fight, and I won't hate
Well not today

In a garden in the house of love
Sitting lonely on a plastic chair
The sun is cruel when he hides away

Shine On...
Shine On
Shine On

....and on...and on...

Shine On

Speeding - The Creatures Lyrics

Speeding my way with no time to spare
Stealing away from that old nightmare
Speeding... speeding, I am stealing

Against the grain, unrestrained
I've invented a different game
and I'm dealing, dealing, now I'm dealing

Something out there is calling me
Beckoning me with urgency
Speeding... speeding, I am leaving

Oh saints alive, bless my soul
Driverless, now I'm in control
Speeding... speeding, time is needing

Bad pennies return from whence they came
I'll be back like a boomerang...
... boom boom boom boom

Speeding away with no time to spare
Speeding away from the same nightmare
Freedom... freedom, icy freedom

The trail ahead is dark and unsound
but I'm lapping it up like a greedy hound
Free at last of the city sounds
Free at last to put my foot right down
... boom boom boom boom

Shut your eyes, let's hold hands
Overtaking on the tightest bends
Throw the dice, toss a penny in the air
Heads or tails, the devil may care

Speeding... speeding, time is needing
Bad pennies return from whence they came
It all comes back like a boomerang...
... boom boom boom boom

Tuesday, 21 July 2009

blame - lydia lunch lyrics

I gotta let you go
Watch you wlk away
never meant to hurt you
or to cause you more pain
I gotta let you go
and as cruel as it seems
didn't want to tie you down
just to keep you with me

used to live un heaven
drown in yourblue black eyes
melt into the night sky evaporate the hours
lose ourselves and find each other
in a place that we could not name
return to earth to set the clock
now that everything has changed

I gotta let you go
watch you walk away
didn't want to loose you
to these dangerous games
I gotta let you go
don't ask me to stay
never meant to hurt you
or cause you more pain

now our castle is empty since you've been gone
I'm alone and I am chasing sleep
you are an angel in this photograph
I could reminiscence for weeks
lost ourselves and we lost each other
to a force that we could not name
whisper prayers to forgiving saints
beg the devil to keep you safe

dry eyes please don't cry
I know we are both to blame
it broke my heart when you lost your mind
and fell victim to these dangerous games

I gotta let you go
and as cruel as it seems
didn't want to tie you down
just to keep you with me

Friday, 17 July 2009

Iron Lady - DG Lyrics

Have you seen the iron lady's charms?
Legs of steel, leather on her arms
Taking on a man to die
A life for a life, an eye for an eye
And death's the iron lady in the chair

Stop the murder, deter the crimes away
Only killing shows killing doesn't pay
Yeah, that's the kind of law it takes
Even though we make mistakes
Sometimes send the wrong woman to the chair

In the death row waiting for their turn
No time to change, not a chance to learn
Waiting for someone to call
Say it's over after all
They won't have to face the justice of the chair

Just before they serve her one last meal
Shave her head, they ask her how she feels
Then the warden comes to say goodbye
Reporters come to watch him die
Watch him as he's strapped into the chair

And the chaplain, he reads the final prayer
Be brave my daughter, the Lord is waiting there
Oh, murder is so wrong you see
Both the Bible and the courts agree
That the state's allowed to murder in the chair

In the courtroom, watch the balance of the scales
If the price is right, there's time for more appeals
The strings are pulled, the switch is stayed
The finest lawyers' fees are paid
And a rich man never dies upon the chair

Have you seen the iron lady's charms?
Legs of steel, leather on her arms
Taking on a man to die
A life for a life, an eye for an eye
That's the iron lady in the chair

Tuesday, 14 July 2009

Ever Changing - C93 lyrics

Forming from space
Space we come and return
And I saw within the mystery of god
In the midst of the southern breezes
A wondrously beautiful image
It had a human form and it's countenance was of such beauty

That I could have more easily gazed at the sun
Than in that face
For a broad golden ring circled it's head
In this ring above the face there appeared a second countenance
Like that of an elderly man
It?s chin and beard resting on the crown of her first face
And on both sides of the figure a wing grew out of the shoulders
The wings rose above the face and were joined there
Then at the top part of the wing on the curve appeared an eagle's head
Its eyes were like fire and in them the brilliance of angels streamed forth from the mirror
On the part of the left wing's curve there was soothed a human head
Which shone like the gleaming of the stars
Both faces were turned towards the east
And from the shoulders of the figure a wing extended to its knees
The figure was wrapped in a garment that shone like the sun
Its hands carried the lamb which shone like a brilliant day
The figure's feet trod upon a monster of black
A serpent had fastened its teeth into it
And its body was wound around the wound
Its tail extended to the left
It said "I am the highest in fiery power
I have kindled every spark of life
I am it, nothing that is deadly
I decided on all reality
With my wings I fly above this little world
With wisdom have I put the universe in order
I am the fiery life of essence
I am a flame beyond the beauty even of the meadows
It is I who gleam in the waters
It is I that burn in the sun
It is I that burn in the moon
It is I that burn in the stars
With every breeze as with invisible life that contains everything
It is I that awaken every thing to life
The air lives by turning green and being in bloom
And the waters flow as if they were alive
The sun lives in it's light and the moon is enkindled
After it's disappearance once again by the light
Of the sun so that the moon is again revived
The stars too give the light with their beaming
I have established pillars that bear the entire globe
In the same way too the body envelopes the soul
And maintains it so that the soul will never blow away
And all is cold hard beauty, pain is never done
Never done

Monday, 13 July 2009

Ostara - Kingdom Gone


Evocative titles, intellectually stimulating poetry, strong melodies, a feel for language, smooth clear voices and a polished professional sound characterise the work of Ostara, and point to a potential for commercial success beyond the narrow world of the neofolk/gothic-industrial genres that mostly concern us here.

Crucial perhaps in this evolution has been the influence of artists like Nick Cave, Scott Walker, Leonard Cohen and The Doors and an interest in artists like Kate Bush.

"Kingdom Gone" includes on CD some tracks already issued on the two vinyl versions of "Whispers to the Soul" ('The Trees March North', 'Overworld', 'Never Weep', and 'Divine Wind') together with 8 other numbers.

Ostara (Richard Leviathan and Timothy Jenn) transmuted from the more provocatively entitled Strength Through Joy, but remain wedded to a number of WW2 themes, including an identification with the anti-Hitler plotters of the Stauffenberg group, and von Stauffenberg's mentor, Stefan Georg. This interest has got them into trouble in Germany where it has been interpreted as pro-Nazi, despite Richard Leviathan (aka Richard Levy) being of Jewish extraction. There is evidently some ill-thought-out over-compensation going on here.

Richard has a deep interest in philosophy and a concern for the European heritage and its destiny, but reflecting his other interest in the esoteric, his concepts are draped in veils of poetic obfuscation which make it hard to interpret his meaning without already knowing it.

Along with the masterly 'Overworld' and 'Never Weep', the opening 'Bavaria' has another excellent melody. Like 'Divine Wind', 'March of the Rising Sun' obviously concerns Japan's twentieth century career, and involves a lot of experimental manipulation of soundtracks intertwining western and eastern themes with the sounds of war. The interest in Japan and the computer wizadry are down to Timothy.

'Sword of Reverie' is an evocative song, seemingly about resurrection and eternal life. After an intro featuring a familiar sample of romantic symphony music, 'Tafenokai' has a minimalist and repetitive dance beat with Japanese vocabulary intoned over the top rather like Kraftwerk's 'Trans-Europe Express'.

'Kingdom Gone' is spoken word and alludes - tastefully I believe - to the events of September 11th. A masterpiece of apocryphal writing, the declaimed poem appears to bury Islam, Christianity, Mammon and much else besides. What remains is Shunyata, the Buddhist concept of nothingness.
[from FluxEuropa ]

Ostara Kingdom Gone on Discogs

First Cd of the Day - Gerechtigkets Liga "Hypnotischer Existenzialismus"

The name Gerechtigkeits Liga is one which re-surfaced only recently, but which has recurred at key points since the early eighties. The group appeared alongside SPK, Laibach and others on the seminal compilation Vhutemas Archetypi on Graeme Revell’s Side Effects label. It also performed at the Berlin Atonal festival in 1985, an event which still casts a long shadow, and which, due to its reputation, is possibly even more significant for those who weren’t there than for those who were. Given GL’s association with these key moments in the development of second-wave industrial, the group has had a surprisingly low profile. Partly this was due to the vagaries and adversities of the music business: tracking the trajectory of such a group you discover that industrial groups also suffered from bad deals and neglect, even on independent and supposedly progressive labels. Yet although force of circumstance conspired to keep GL silent for long periods, particularly in the 1990s, this silence and the rarity of its works may have actually have helped maintain an aura of fascination and elusiveness that motivated collectors and others to track down rarities and which has now inspired both a re-issue programme and a return to recording.

In 2005, the long unavailable first album Hypnotischer Existenzialismus and single were re-released on CD, together with a live recording from New York in 1985. In recent years the group has released new material on the German compilations Statement 1961 (Ironflame) and Paranoise One (Paranoise) and the group is working on new collaborative projects. Further re-releases are planned, as well as new material, and this is a good opportunity to analyse the work of this obscure but still fascinating group. This article is based on conversations with founder member Till Bruggemann, initiated in March 2005.

GL emerged in Bremen in 1981 and its members were from the generation slightly too young to have been involved in, but creatively captured by, the first wave of Punk and industrial. Beginning as a punk/noise group it soon switched to using industrial-electronic textures and equipment. The group assumed the sinisterly fascinating name Gerechtigkeits Liga – certainly one factor in the aura surrounding the group. This was a ready-made name, taken from the American comic Justice League and translated into German. Like many key industrial groups, the choice of name instantly generated a sinister and ambivalent aura.

GL grew up in what was Bruggemann says was already a post-industrial society, but industry was an important presence. Like so many (post)-industrial producers, Bruggemann was interested in industrial buildings, but could never imagine doing factory work. He was fascinated by the impact such monotonous work must have had on people’s lives and the fact of being born into it and having no other options. GL were fascinated by post-industrial landscapes, and would always visit the ‘outer areas’ of towns they visited. Bruggemann was particularly inspired by London’s docklands in the 1980s. He recalls it being possible to imagine the most fantastic post-apocalyptic scenarios. It was possible to drive for 20-30 minutes across Docklands: an area that looked “as if a revolution or hell knows what” had taken place. In 1986, Bruggemann together with members of Laibach and Test Dept. were extras in Kubrick’s Full Metal Jacket, partly filmed in the ready-made war-zones of Docklands.

GL also assimilated some of what could be called the “canonical” cultural sources particularly associated with first and second wave industrial. These included Dada and the work of John Heartfield (later also used by Laibach and Front Line Assembly amongst others). The montage Der Henker und Die Gerechtigkeit (The Hangman and Justice) was a source of particular inspiration and GL used it on the cover of a promo VHS in the early 1980s. Concerns over copyright issues and meant GL never used it more publicly but it remains clandestinely associated with their work. The combination of GL’s name and the disturbing Heartfield image of mutilated justice produce rich associations and contradict any right-wing interpretations of GL’s ironic and ambivalent name. In a way similar to other industrial groups, GL were using this type of image to hint at the group’s agenda without being explicit, even at the risk of misinterpretation. Since Heartfield’s imagery in itself now seems liable to misinterpretation by those unaware of its context, the chances of (ironic) misinterpretation remain high, even before the imagery is appropriated for counter-cultural use.

From an early stage, GL’s actions and images have been misperceived as rightist, but its art doesn’t seem marked by an unmediated will to power so much as an urgent, existential will to communicate some of the most disturbing aspects of present day life.

Heartfield and Dada style collage and montage techniques were an inherent part of the GL aesthetic, particularly in the designs of some of their now sought-after cassette releases but also in their early home-recorded sound collage work, which was closer to a sonic application of artistic techniques than to the sample culture that shaped industrial later in the decade. At this stage GL worked mainly with tapes and transferred sounds between numerous recorders, a method Bruggemann describes as having been quite an effective. They also had a primitive emulator and other devices built for them by a friend.

Unlike some of the other industrial groups, the young GL were then unaware of electro-acoustic or musique concrete, despite the similarity in techniques, if not resources. One definite influence was Einstürzende Neubauten’s junk aesthetic, and GL went on sound-hunting sorties in Bremen and elsewhere; recording pure noises and raw material from whatever industrial debris they encountered. However, GL did not share Neubauten’s fascination with the objects themselves, but were interested in their sonic potentials. They would treat, accelerate and slow down the gathered sounds into more abstract yet still oppressive and confrontational sounds. The new group soon relegated the guitar to its proper role as an extra source of distortion with layers of tape loops. GL acquired a drum machine and the archetypal industrial synthesisers – first a korg ms10 then an ms20.

Equipped with this new sound arsenal GL moved into one of several former air raid bunkers that the city of Bremen made available to musicians and groups as rehearsal spaces. GL were one of the first groups to receive a double room in one of these bunkers. They removed the wall down between the rooms and created what Bruggemann describes as an ideal location for GL’s kind of music with a great acoustic. GL already had an interest in Germany’s suppressed past and so to operate in such a historically and literally resonant space certainly had an effect on its work. Here their first cassette releases were recorded straight to tape with amplification from standard bass and guitar amps. GL cassette releases had distinctive self-produced booklets and graphics, remembered by those on the scene at the time and still collected. They were issued between 1981-1986 under two different label names. The first label was GL’s Lausch label; almost all of these releases were limited editions of 20-50 copies which sold fairly fast. The second was GL’s Zyklus Records, which distributed tapes and also videos in larger numbers.
Although the primitive quality of cassette releases by GL and other groups was primarily the result of limited resources, this very roughness was almost integral to the industrial tape aesthetic. However, despite the similarities and some influences, the group were still working in isolation and only joined the emerging industrial scene when GL became a more professional project around mid 1983.

Around this time original member Frank Stroepken left and was replaced by Thomas Furch. The group continued working in the bunker but did see the need to go into a studio and make their first professional recordings. Through a personal contact they gained access to a four track studio at a cheap rate. However, GL had no studio experience and the engineer (who later worked with Neubauten in Berlin) was unfamiliar with the industrial aesthetic, being used to working with Punk and indie groups. Despite this he liked the GL sound and became their live mixer for a while. As in so many other cases, technical limitations and accidents have helped cement industrial’s aesthetic of D.I.Y. monumentalism. Flaws obvious to their creators were taken by new industrial listeners to be stylistic templates and inspirations, and the genre as a whole has been shaped by successor groups taking the inherent “wrongness” of early industrial recordings as a staring point to be developed and perfected rather than overcome.

[1] One of the central tenets of contemporary sonic correctness is that industrial was at best a regrettable necessity that shouldn’t be mentioned too much in polite society, and when it is, only certain groups are allowed into the charmed circle. Even some of industrial’s original advocates now seem embarrassed or afraid to attach themselves too closely to it, and now sometimes even teeter on the edge of self-denunciation. This is partly due to the degeneration of some types of industrial into one-dimensional provocation and unreflective rightist agitation, but also motivated by a fear of being associated with “unhealthy elements”. Distrust or wholesale dismissal of industrial is almost demanded by some of the same people who argue that all styles are equally valid. Yet, try to turn the tables and express a similar disdain for jazz or other favoured genres and the mask of liberal tolerance soon slips and it’s possible to watch a supposedly “liberal” person degenerate into hysterics or inarticulate abuse. In this sense, (selective) openness to industrial remains a harsh but necessary test of tolerance.

{CONTINUE HERE- http://icrn.blogspot.com/2007/04/icrn-paper-4-alexei-monroe.html ~}

Gerechtigkeits Liga - interview with Alexander Nym - on ICRN on blogspot.

Gerechtigkeits Liga on lastfm

Gerechtigkeits Liga on discogs

Gerechtigkeit Liga myspace page

Gerechtigkeits Liga on Vynil-on-demand

Friday, 10 July 2009


blood in my veins . pumping pumping pumping
a strange kind of numbness . in my head and in my legs
maybe years ago a tiny sting . released a chainreaction
I'm watching gloomy to . and this makes me want to scream
I need the antidote . so please be my antidote
and let us be the antidote . for this kind of brain - paralysis
all these liars and palliators - canonize the destroying doings
and what you see is a caricature . of how bad it really is
increase of economy - by force of arms . military services - in a nuclear reactor
asylum - for big earners only . and tomorrow we fire god
they've got their own language . to express their destruction
sweet rippling words . for growing growing growing
hypnotising headlines shall make . you drowsy drowsy
thats the way they want you to be . 'cause that's your function
wake me up . 'cause time is slipping away . the term is nearly at the end
but the more you change yourself . the more you change the others

Thursday, 9 July 2009

George Hoyningen-Huene

Baron George Hoyningen-Huene (1900 - 1968) was a seminal fashion photographer of the 1920s and 1930s. He was born in Russia to Baltic German and American parents and spent his working life in France, England and the United States

Born in Saint Petersburg, Russia, on September 4, 1900, Hoyningen-Huene was the only son of Baron Barthold Theodor Hermann (Theodorevitch) von Hoyningen-Huene (1859-1942), a Baltic nobleman, military officer and lord of Navesti manor (near Võhma), and his wife, Emily Anne "Nan" Lothrop (1860-1927), a daughter of George Van Ness Lothrop, an American minister to Russia. (The couple was married in Detroit, Michigan, in 1888.) He had two sisters. Helen (died 1976) became a fashion designer in France and the United States, using the name Helen de Huene. Elizabeth (1891-1973), also known as Betty, also became a fashion designer (using the name Mme. Yteb in the 1920s and 1930s) and married, first, Baron Wrangel, and, second, Lt. Col. Charles Norman Buzzard, a British Army officer.
During the Russian Revolution, the Hoyningen-Huenes fled to first London, and later Paris. By 1925 George had already worked his way up to chief of photography of the French Vogue. In 1931 he met Horst, the future photographer, who became his lover and frequent model[citation needed] and traveled to England with him that winter. While there, they visited photographer Cecil Beaton, who was working for the British edition of Vogue. In 1931, Horst began his association with Vogue, publishing his first photograph in the French edition of Vogue in November of that year.

In 1935 Hoyningen-Huene moved to New York City where he did most of his work for Harper's Bazaar. He published two art books on Greece and Egypt before relocating to Hollywood, where he earned his wedge by shooting glamorous portraits for the film industry.
Hoyningen-Huene worked before anything resembling contemporary flash photography was known.[neutrality disputed] Working in huge studios and with whatever lighting worked best. There is something about the texture of his black and whites that one seldom finds in contemporary work. Beyond fashion, he was a master portraitist as well from Hollywood stars to other celebrities.
He also worked in Hollywood in various capacities in the film industry, working closely with George Cukor, notably as special visual and color consultant for the 1954 Judy Garland movie A Star Is Born. He served a similar role for the 1957 film Les Girls, which starred Kay Kendall and Mitzi Gaynor, the Sophia Loren film Heller in Pink Tights and The Chapman Report.
In 1952 his cousin Baron Ernst Lyssardt von Hoyningen-Huene who he adopted married Sir Harry Oakes the gold mining tycoon's daughter Nancy Oakes. That union lasted until 1956 and produced one son Baron Alexander von Hoyningen-Huene. Baron Alexander von Hoyningen-Huene is also known as Sasha.
He died at 68 years of age in Los Angeles



Premier exponents of Free Music and Cassette Culture pioneers

from Wikipedia: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Instant_Automatons
The Instant Automatons flourished between 1977 and 1982. Founded by Mark Automaton (Mark Lancaster) and Protag (Martin Neish), they later added Mic Woods to the line-up. Their guiding principle was that artistic expression should be free from the bonds of profit and big business. In a bid to take control of the means of production of their music, they embraced the growing cassette culture in the early 80s.

from Waterden lable : http://www.instant-automatons.com/
The Waterden label holds a specially curated collection of works by musicians active in the so-called UK DIY movement that flourished in the late 1970s - early 1980s.

Take a lyricist with his head in the clouds and a bizarrely eclectic range of influences. Add a techie with an overactive soldering iron and a copy of Practical Electronics. Stir in a junk-store guitar, a bass made from floorboards, a DIY drum machine kit and a cheap synthesiser. Filter through an echo machine and a range of sub-standard recording equipment. Leave to simmer in a North Lincolnshire farmhouse for 2½ years. Throw in a well-seasoned rock'n'roller with a Mick Ronson fixation and a nice line in crunchy guitar licks, and add a dash of saxophone. Bring to the boil and serve up on assorted vinyl platters.
That was the recipe we followed. The result? The Instant Automatons.

more at the Waterden/Instant Automatons page

or lastfm: http://www.last.fm/music/The+Instant+Automatons

Lydia Lunch - Exene Cervenka : Rude Hieroglyphics

a couple of extracts:

"this government doesn't give a shit about the individuals: the poor are gonna get poorer, the rich are gonna get richer
and the middle class which is most of us will continue to stagnate in some kind of arcane socio-economic stranglehold, whilst politicians all around the globe just continue to suck corporate cocks. Untill the cows and that is a conspiracy of women storm into the fucking Whitehouse and do something about it! "

or again:

"I am sick to death of sudo alternative lifestylers; who just have to get pierced and tattooed for instant credibility, yet somehow still manage to buy the lie, get married move to the suburb and then………….. breed……………

Now, I can assure you there are no wedding rings on my hands, there are certainly no stretch marks on my belly or on my thighs for shitting out a watermelon;
I mean as a new vanity item, I mean someone to love me in my old age, I mean someone to love the way I was never loved, someone to take care of you, you know that unconditional love, you know, someone who’s probably gonna grow up to hate your fucking guts, after you have spent the entire life swages just to feed clothes and house the little fucking shit and you know what ? Can you blame the kids for hating their parents most of you still hate your fucking parents, living or dead!
And both of my parents are dead and I still fucking hate them because afterall they are the ones that brought me into this endless holocaust of human suffering.
And you know the next war, in this country, unfortunately I don’t have much faith that is gonna be civil or a sexual war I think it’s gonna be a generational war, I think it’s gonna be all the babies of all the babies having babies who are gonna grow up in an environment so overrun of violence and hatred and prejudice that war is just gonna be second nature.
Killing is gonna be done out of convenience or boredom and family values as practiced by my favourite american folk heroes: the Menendez brothers It’s what is gonna come down at the dinner tables when there isn’t enough food to feed the hungry little leeches that should have never been born in the first fucking place."

Lydia Lunch's new project Big Sexy Noise live 21.07.09 @ Corsica Studios [http://www.3ammagazine.com/3am/big-sexy-noise/]

tickets : http://www.wegottickets.com/event/53293

Tunnelvision - the obscure side of Factory Records

Perhaps the most obscure of the early Factory bands, Blackpool teenagers Tunnelvision performed just seventeen gigs, cut one solitary single, and suffered the indignity of being slated as 'spineless heavy metal' by the New Musical Express. As their live and demo recordings reveal, however, Tunnelvision had far more to offer.
1. Early HistoryThe group first came together as The Pose at the Blackpool Roman Catholic School early in 1979, initially to perform Clash and Buzzcocks covers. The first stable line-up comprised vocalist Chris Shea, guitarist Chris Anderton, drummer Tony Ashworth and bassist Paul Swindles.As the music matured beyond primitive three-chord thrash, The Pose became Tunnelvision early in 1980. Tunnelvision performed their first gig under the new name at Jenk's Bar in Blackpool in February, together with local hopefuls Chainz and Zyclon B. Chris Shea elected to leave at this point, although not before writing striking lyrics to three songs, these being Watching the Hydroplanes, Glenn Miller and Pink Pebbles.Following a re-shuffle Chris Anderton took over on vocals and cast around the Fylde Coast for a suitable second guitarist, eventually settling on Andrew Leeming. From Thornton, Leeming was a protege of Section 25 guitarist Paul Wiggin, with the result that a friendship was forged between the two bands. According to future member Ian Butterworth:
I think Section 25 felt a sort of kinship with Tunnelvision. The two groups were very different at the time, since Blackpool seemed to produce either 1-2-3-4 punk groups or spandex heavy metal bands. To be honest, the Sections felt like our big brothers.
Other hometown gigs in 1980 included a date with Section 25 at the Salvation Army Citadel on May 23rd, and with Eric Random at Stanley Park in August.
2. FactoryOn September 5th 1980, in their occasional capacity as promoters, Section 25 booked a historic gig at Blackpool Scamps. Following the sudden demise of Joy Division six months earlier, Scamps marked the almost secret live debut of New Order, then still a three-piece, whose uncertain status saw them positioned (albeit deliberately) at the bottom of the bill. Section 25 also asked Tunnelvision to play, who for reasons long forgotten ended up performing last.Their raw but powerful set impressed both Rob Gretton and Tony Wilson, with the result that Tunnelvision were immediately invited to record a single for Factory. Given that most collectors know Tunnelvision only for the two songs released on vinyl by Factory, the Scamps set is worth recording for posterity: Let's Sing; Hollow Men; Morbid Fear; Glenn Miller; I Never Promised You This; Old Comrades; This is a Time for Building; Watching the Hydroplanes.
3. First Cargo DemoLittle more than a week after Scamps and the Factory offer a first demo tape was hurried recorded at Cargo Studios, Rochdale, with engineer John Brierley at the controls. The four tracks recorded were Morbid Fear, Hydroplanes, Glenn Miller and Old Comrades. In this writer's opinion the latter two songs were the strongest, although Factory expressed a preference for Hydroplanes as a single, discerning 'a great techno ballad' and 'transparently beautiful song' (see Shareholders' Analysis for late 1981).
Shortly after the first Cargo demo was recorded bassist Paul Swindles departed, and was quickly replaced by Ian Butterworth:
Paul Swindles wanted to work in a bank and began missing practices. I had just left my own band through frustration, and got to know Tony and Chris, who asked me along to a practice after they had become sufficiently fed up. It must have gelled straight away as I was then asked to join.
Hydroplanes and Morbid Fear were subsequently remixed from the demo tape by Martin Hannett in January 1981 at Britannia Row, where Section 25 were recording their debut album. No members of Tunnelvision were present, and at subsequent support dates with New Order complete strangers would approach the band to announce proudly that their session had gone well. Whatever the circumstances of the mix, however, the group were not entirely happy with Hannett's wizardry, and preferred the power of the original takes.
4. No FunTunnelvision saw out 1980 with gigs at a Christmas party thrown by Section 25 at JR's Bar on December 29th, followed by a new year date with English Waste at the Calypso Bar on January 8th. Ashworth:
The gig at the Calypso Bar was cancelled on the night because the manager was convinced that we were a 'punk' band. However the gig went ahead when a compromise was reached allowing us the use of the Horseshoe Bar next door. The venue was larger and subsequently turned out to be a more successful gig. A further gig in Blackpool, at the Norbreck Castle, was less successful. We were booked to support Pylon, from Akron, Ohio, but after the soundcheck we were once again informed by the manager that we would not be permitted to play, and were refused an explanation. Also of note around this time we were asked by a local promoter to support Music for Pleasure at the 007 Club, owned by Brian London (an ex heavyweight boxing champion). We refused to play as we were offered just œ10 as expenses.
March 4th 1981 saw Anderton, Butterworth and Leeming join with Mark Ormrod (see 11 below), Gaz Evans (see 10 below), Paul Swindles, J Hayward and S Farmery for an ill-fated jam session at Blackpool Mardi Gras. According to the report in local fanzine Mirror Mirror:
Established musicians Streetfighter played host to Jam Night. The above-named individuals congregated to play their own brand of noise, but mainly to enjoy the response -good or bad. They did not expect prejudice to the extent of physical threats... Just because some 'teenagers' got up for a jam and don't do Black Night or Jailbreak they came face to face with more and more bad feeling. It wouldn't have been so bad if the audience had laughed, or given some sort of feedback. But there was nothing. Blank faces, blank people.
This perennial local dilemma was summed up by Blackpool Rox fanzine later in the year:
Blackpool -the town with the bands, and the town without the audience and venues to show them off to anyone. Now there is a more diverse and talented mixture of bands than ever before, but the venues are still booking cabaret bands. Venues are not prepared to take risks, and to get gigs the bands are having to hire church halls or pretend to have parties. Who want to see fat old men in leather pants at Jenk's on stage and in the audience for another fifty years?
5. Second Cargo DemoOn March 1st 1981 Tunnelvision recorded a second four-song demo at Cargo, again engineered by John Brierley. For the princely sum of œ90, 100 Men, Whitened Sepulchre, Guessing the Way and The Man Who Would Be King were captured on a tape that few would ever hear. The second demo nevertheless evidenced a more sophisticated band, particularly on 100 Men and Man Who Would Be King, and benefitted from the fact that the group now felt sufficiently confident to add their own input.Unfortunately the master was subsequently mislaid, after New Order bassist Peter Hook collected the tape from the studio for safekeeping by Factory. Which seems all the more ironic given that Tunnelvision had paid for the session themselves.
6. Beyond BlackpoolOn March 27th Tunnelvision played their first gig outside their home town as support to New Order at Bristol Trinity Hall. This superb set (thankfully captured on a mixing board cassette) comprised: The Man Who Would be King; Guessing the Way; The Blue; Hollow Men; Emotionless; Glenn Miller; Whitened Sepulchre; 100 Men and Hydroplanes. Man Who Would be King was reprised as an encore, reflecting the fact that it remains probably their strongest song.Despite being called back for an encore, Andy Leeming was alarmed by the theft of his camera, while Ian Butterworth was rushed to Bristol Infirmary after being struck by a bottle. None of which served to dampen their enthusiasm for supporting New Order at several further dates in succeeding months, namely Sheffield Romeo and Juliet's (April 22nd), and at two London gigs in May. The Sheffield date was reviewed by City Limits:
Tunnelvision... are another band working in the vein opened up by Joy Division, although comparisons stop there. Tunnelvision are a four-piece whose slow, plodding songs were mostly boring. Some of what they did displayed moods and emotions that show they are aptly named. The last song [100 Men] featured excellent use of (I think) syn-drum, setting up a pattern at odds to the flow that was almost disturbing. Is there any light at the end? Wait six months and investigate.
7. 'Spineless Heavy Metal'Tunnelvision played their debut London date as support to New Order on May 6th 1981, at the Kentish Town Forum. The Forum gig was reviewed by the NME in predictably disparaging terms:
The first two groups -Safehouse, and Tunnelvision- on New Order's second ever London show, came across as pale and derivative echoes of another time and another group. And I wasn't the only person in Kentish Town's gothic Irish ballroom to think so: I lost count of the number of times I overheard the observation that "all these groups sound just like Joy Division".
Tunnelvision, Factory's latest sons, were marginally better. Another quartet, they too rely on harsh, guitar-laden assault, though their chords are choppier, their bass rhythms chunkier. But there are still far too many uncomfortable echoes of their obvious mentors, Joy Division. The majority of their songs open with the all-too familiar sombre bassline, later underpinned by that jagged, regulated snaredrum. These mechanics and dynamics, once so devastatingly used by JD, have been successfully incorporated by other groups -take a listen to Positive Noise's 'Ghosts' single for proof of that. But wholesale imitation simply winds up sounding like spineless heavy metal, devoid of punch or passion.
Melody Maker were no more positive:
What's depressing... is the way post-Joy Division groups like support bands Tunnelvision and Safehouse have adopted the serious young man pose and doom-laden atmospheres in an attempt to sound as 'heavy' as JD were in their day. Both bands were stodgy, depressing and ultimately pretentious. The usually immaculate billing chosen by Final Solution had somewhere gone awry.
The unkindest cut came a month later, when NME reviewed the much-delayed FAC 39 single:
At the New Order gig at Kentish Town's Forum the aptly named Tunnelvision tortured the entire audience with their stunningly inept imitations of the bill-toppers, playing for so long that scores of people had to miss their last buses and tubes.
Immediately following the Forum gig (but before any reviews appeared!), guitarist Andy Leeming elected to return to Blackpool, apparently phased by the prospect of having to sleep in a hotel bed rather than his own. As a result the second London date, at the Tabernacle, was performed as a three piece.
Curiously, a press ad for London Covent Garden venue the Rock Garden indicates that Tunnelvision were due to play as support for Troops for Tomorrow on May 30th. The band did not play there, however, and indeed had previously been rejected by the same venue on the grounds that the Cargo demo sounded too much like a Factory band.
8. Fac 39In fact the Rock Garden management may be forgiven for dismissing Tunnelvision as mere Factory pretenders, for the release of the Hydroplanes single (FAC 39) was delayed until June 1981. Housed in an attractive green and silver sleeve designed by Martyn Atkins, the first 10,000 copies were pressed (on 7" only) in clear vinyl, a decision taken at the Factory HQ on the basis of an obscure pun along the lines of 'tunnelvision/see right through it'. The reviews published in the UK rock weeklies were predictable, and uniformly poor:
The Wrap is simple thought condensed on (b)op art -cheeky demystification spread on jammy aesthetics. The vinyl is milky clear? Watching the Hydroplanes and Morbid Fear are a waste of signs, their pursuit unclear. Rubbish, in fact. What is Factory up to? (NME)
Tunnelvision continue their blind assault on all music lovers with a couple of pitiful dirges sung in a voice that's even worse than mine, provoking me to ask yet again: for how much longer must we tolerate these hordes of upstart JD/NO copyists? (Record Mirror)
Only Melody Maker offered feint praise, reviewing the single in tandem with Je Veux Ton Amour, Section 25's French-language take on Dirty Disco:
On dark, windy nights the ghost of Joy Division stalks the corridors of this column. To be fair, the Tunnelvision effort has a certain naive charm. (Patronising? I wouldn't know how to be). But if Section 25 think that going Frog will disguise how horrendously boring they are they've got another think coming.
Despite such bad press the single managed a strong showing in the independent chart, and after the first run sold out was repressed on black vinyl, going on to sell a further 6,000 copies. By their own account, however, Factory barely broke even, evidently having squandered vast sums on the studio and the sleeve... Indeed the band were unable even to claw back publishing monies, since membership of the MCPS then required that a minimum of three songs should be commercially available.
9. Three Man And A Drum MachineFollowing the London Tabernacle gig in May, Anderton, Butterworth and Ashworth had elected to continue as a three-piece, and afterwards opened for bandaged Canadian violin weirdo Nash the Slash at Liverpool Brady's. However, a week before what should have been a valedictory hometown gig at Blackpool JR's Bar in July, drummer Tony Ashworth elected to sell his drum kit and purchase a guitar. As a result this and subsequent gigs were performed with a drum machine, which removed much of the driving power which had made previous Tunnelvision performances so compelling.
My decision to change from live drums to a drum machine was influenced by the upsurge in electronic bands at the time. On reflection this was a mistake, and acted as a catalyst for the band's demise. (Ashworth)
Despite this setback, Tunnelvision completed a string of dates late in 1981, at Preston Warehouse (September 3rd, with the Mau Maus), Manchester Gallery (October 1st, with Stockholm Monsters), Blackpool Gaiety Bar (November, again with the Mau Maus) and the Sheffield Library Theatre (also November).
Although no further demos or desk-recorded live tapes were made, poor quality recordings of a number of late period Tunnelvision compositions such as Eyes, I Don't Need You Anymore and The Crack survive. The three-piece lineup also recorded a revised arrangement of Hydroplanes on a portastudio, which outshone the Factory single.
Tunnelvision's last live stand was a short and intermittently shambolic set at London venue Heaven in January 1982:
The last gig was at Heaven, where we knew that it just wasn't happening without a proper drummer behind us. Nor had the Blackpool JR's gig been a good homecoming. Through nerves the three of us got smashed beforehand. (Butterworth)
10. The CrackAlthough new drummer Gaz Evans (ex Incident) was auditioned in February 1982, the new line-up fell apart after just one rehearsal. In announcing the split, Blackpool Rox fanzine reported that Ashworth and Evans intended to carry on as Tunnelvision, and were rumoured to be sending a demo tape to Factory. However, this seems not to have come to pass.
Looking back I think we were too young (with an average age of 18) to understand the workings and politics involved in a record label, particularly one like Factory. Communication was the problem in the end. (Butterworth)
That's probably the reason were never did a second single, which would probably have been Glenn Miller. Rather than pushing for it, we just sat back and waited for it to be handed to us on a plate. But it never was. (Anderton)
11. Vee VVAnderton and Butterworth went on to form Vee VV, together with Mark Ormrod (ex Zyclon B and Bossanova), Martin Reynolds and Dave Milner. Initially influenced by A Certain Ratio, 23 Skidoo and the Pop Group, the band recorded an excellent flexi single (Love Canal) for Blam! fanzine, before releasing a 7" on Cathexis (Kindest Cut) and the 12" Boom Slump ep on Vinyl Drip. According to Butterworth:
Vee VV was slightly more together and gained popularity quite quickly -Peel, label interest, a move to London... and a split in Manchester while supporting My Bloody Valentine. Months before, gigs with the Stone Roses and New Order couldn't keep the band together. A few months later Madchester took off and Vee VV were no more.
Prior to joining Vee VV, Ormrod and Reynolds had formed Cat Noise with ex Tunnelvision members Chris Shea and Paul Swindles, although the project appears to have been shortlived.
12. Buyer Beware!Collectors should note that a single (I'm Gonna Cry) released on the Octave label in 1985 by a rock band also called Tunnelvision has no connection whatsoever with the group behind FAC 39. A compact disc comprising the two Cargo demos and selected live tracks from Bristol Trinity Hall and Blackpool Scamps will be released by LTM (LTMCD 2313) in February 1998.
James Nice, August 1997.

http://home.planet.nl/~frankbri/tunnedis.html (discography)

Soliloquy for Lilith - Nurse With Wound

Sleeve Notes
I shall find a quiet pool in the forest and I shall be alone there often. I shall gaze into the deep, still water and that stillness will be in me. I shall sleep by my pool and dream, and I shall leave you messages in oracles and poems. Or you may dream with me, (for you are as much myself as I am you and your dreams are also my dreams) you may join me and wait through the night till the animals come to drink. Then I will show you the shape changing and we will become the animals. My magick can heal, for it comes from the place where there is no separation and we are all one, where the water of the pool merges again and is lost in the ocean.
Cover design, music, production - Steven Stapleton
Insert, music, concept - Calhoun Phelan

Photograph of Lilith by Clive Graham.
Recorded at the Shadow Factory by Dick.
Cut by George Peckham

Very special thanks to Catherine McCarthy, David Tibet and Roo.

After a decade of producing the underground's most radical audio surrealism and twisted sonic mutations, Nurse With Wound unleashed Soliloquy for Lilith onto an unsuspecting public. This triple album of understated electronic drones was miles away from the unhinged kitchen-sink sound sculptures that Nurse With Wound fans had come to expect. Lilith was Stapleton's version of Metal Machine Music, Lou Reed's double album of electronic drones that perplexed a public weaned on the introspective rock of previous work. Just as many did following the release of Metal Machine Music, several critics maintained (and still maintain) that Soliloquy for Lilith was Nurse With Wound's finest accomplishment. I can't have the been the only person who was a bit incredulous about these hyperbolic accolades. My first reaction to the album was lukewarm. While the material was certainly potent and had a fragile beauty all its own, it couldn't match the unparalleled dynamism of Spiral Insana or the sinister whimsy of Homotopy to Marie. In short, I probably felt as betrayed and confused as the legions of rock kids who bought Reed's Metal Machine Music, dropped the tone arm and made the disheartening discovery that the album was nothing but four sides of grating, atonal noise. Although this kind of experimentalism should perhaps have been more foreseeable coming from the Stapleton camp, I think few were prepared for a Nurse so positively civilized, academic and downright pastoral. Now comes the United Dairies re-release of this, his most confounding work. The album has been re-issued and digitally re-mastered, and comes packaged in a nice box mirroring the original LP artwork. Just to make it completely irresistible, a third disc containing two new pieces recorded in the same method and spirit as the original Lilith pieces is also included. Listening to these sounds again after several intervening years of expanding my own musical education is quite a revelation, and I think that I never truly gave this album a fair chance. Understanding this album as Stapleton's take on the groundbreaking minimalist drone work of LaMonte Young, Charlemagne Palestine and Iannis Xenakis gives essential perspective on Stapleton's unique developments. Soliloquy for Lilith is an album of complex, powerfully realized moods, both somber and fragile; one of the most rewarding "ambient" albums ever made. It was recorded to take advantage of the strange electrical phenomena that occurred when Stapleton discovered a malfunctioning synthesizer that would emit varying tones in response to physical movement in the vicinity of the machine, much the same way a theremin is played. This fortuitous accident is utilized to stunning effect on the eight sidelong pieces that comprise the album. Giant sheaves of majestic, glacial sound are wielded in repetition, with the inevitable effects of sound decay and distortion creeping in at the high end and bottom tones. It's a gleaming sound full of depth and dimension, like a work of modern metal sculpture in which you can see your distorted reflection. When given your full attention, the coldly warm tones have the effect of rendering thoughts, and therefore time itself, neutral. The same sound palette is used throughout, but each track manages to be very different from the last, birthing its own unique phantasms. The two new pieces are very much in the same vein as the original six, but are perhaps slightly more dynamic than the others. Either way, they're all extraordinarily subtle and stirring works. Soliloquy for Lilith works on its own terms, and it certainly stands the test of time as one of Steven Stapleton's most transcendental experiments.

Jonathan Dean
© 1996-2009 Brainwashed Inc.