Die geheimen Tagebücher von einer verderbten Existenz

Behind these gates you will hear my thoughts screaming like nerves under the sun and feel my emotion laughing to the empty ether.
Welcome Dear Wanderer, make yourself at home.
The road is long and tortuous and I hope you enjoy yourself.

Fraternally Yours,
Poison Creeper

Tuesday, 28 July 2009

Le Chat

”When you’re used to hearing purring
and suddenly it’s gone,
it’s hard to silence the blaring sound of sadness.”

~ Missy Altijd

This is, in the end, nothing that have never been written to a cat, but it something that I felt I HAD to write, to take it off my chest, onto this machine, to share with others that will surely understand:

So, you have gone.

I brought you in our family, letting you sleep on my pillow at nights when you weren't having milk unless it was fed by me.
I remember when you escaped the first time; when I went cycling around looking for you for 2 days and on the third one, my auntie, woke me up, in the early hours of the morning, because you were downstairs, at the door, all dirty and sickly: you had come back by yourself.
When I left my family it was like I had never left: you were sitting on my place on the bench at dinner. The same seat that you didn't want to give me back when I was visiting!
When I first came back every time I was leaving the house you were watching me from the glass door. silent.
Keeping my feet warm at night and then jumping on each of our beds trying to find the most comfortable place: you always loved my brother's bad the most or when we couldn't find you for a whole day and you were placidly sleeping in the clean laundry shelf, you Cat!
When you were jumping at our ankles in the night if you had met one of us walking silently in the corridor.
When you would let me lift you to the windowsill of the bathroom window everytime I was sitting on the toilette, untill when you had grown older and heavier you weren't able anymore to stay up there long, you would stare outside that world unknown seen from a different view than the usual balconies and then jump straight down in the comfort of your reign.
When you used to stroke your head against mine when I was crying.
I remember this and much more, I still can't believe you are gone, my feline brother.
I'll miss you even if I didn't live the majority of your life with you, when I went chasing my teenage dreams: I know you have always understood my restlessness, there was something wild in the way you didn't want to be stroked or to be cuddled, you had wilderness in your blood, Tiger!
My Dad told me that tonight, after dinner they sat on the sofa and looked around:"there is something missing here tonight" he told on the phone. "it will be hard to get used to it, you know?". Him that didn't want the cat, once!

I'll miss what you meant to me and what you meant to all of us, back at home.

summer 1996 - summer 2009
My birthday brought you to me and my birthday took you away.

“Way down deep,
we’re all motivated by the same urges.
Cats have the courage to live by them.”

~ Jim Davis
“A meow massages the heart.”
~ Stuart McMillan

“Time spent with cats is never wasted.”
~ May Sarton

“It always gives me a shiver
when I see a cat seeing what I can’t see.”

~ Eleanor Farjeon

“There has never been a cat Who couldn’t calm me down
By walking slowly Past my chair.”

~ Rod McKuen

I believe cats to be spirits come to earth.
A cat, I am sure, could walk on a cloud without coming through.

~ Jules Verne

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