Die geheimen Tageb├╝cher von einer verderbten Existenz

Behind these gates you will hear my thoughts screaming like nerves under the sun and feel my emotion laughing to the empty ether.
Welcome Dear Wanderer, make yourself at home.
The road is long and tortuous and I hope you enjoy yourself.

Fraternally Yours,
Poison Creeper

Monday, 10 September 2012

Alone.

It is in these moment of profound sadness that I realise that, in the end, I am alone.

My mum text me this morning saying that Granddad has left us at 5.30am.
I spent the first 2 hours of the morning, in bed, confused.
I thought about calling somebody and pouring down crying, ask some support, some help, some kind words that I could actually believe in. I so wanted to hear a comforting voice, have a hug, BE with somebody that cares.

I didn't have the strength or the confidence of calling anyone because I am afraid, I know based on how my life has been for the last 6 months, they would have no time for me, no time for another one from Sara. No time for Sara.
She has been such a bitch, falling out with so many people. EVIL Sara.
Complete lack of faith in anyone's heart to be willing to console me.

Nobody.

Every person to whom I thought of was discarded as I knew they would have taken it as "yet another Drama".

I have now realised that effectively I have no friends, no best friends, no one is around for the Proxy anymore. Specially, NOW that she has nothing to offer, there is no use to stick around, there is no nectar, no life, no hope, no enthusiasm, not a smile or a laughter to suck from her, what's the point of sticking around when she has nothing left to offer?

1 text message I received, one miserable text message.
They didn't even have the will to SPEAK to me, to HEAR how I am, even if they hadn't seen or spoken to me for months. Sister? Do you still remember my face?


If what doesn't kill you makes you stronger I just wish the plane that I am about to catch, crashes.




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