Die geheimen Tageb├╝cher von einer verderbten Existenz

Behind these gates you will hear my thoughts screaming like nerves under the sun and feel my emotion laughing to the empty ether.
Welcome Dear Wanderer, make yourself at home.
The road is long and tortuous and I hope you enjoy yourself.

Fraternally Yours,
Poison Creeper

Sunday, 25 November 2012

Life is Kind of Crazy with a Spooky Boy like you...

Well what can I say, tables had turned radically in the last 5 days.
I wouldn't celebrate victory but hey, Rome wasn't built in a day (and I still have to clear out the ground from old ruins still trading my steps).

Patience is the virtue of the strong, they say.
Well I guess I will have to work hard on that.
...but as long as I have an incentive I know I can be patient.
Let us see what this path will take us.

I have been trying to force myself to eat something as I haven't eaten anything since yesterday at lunch but all i have is a knot in my stomach, I thought I had killed all those butterflies....!!! 

"If you decide some day to stop this little game that you are a-playing
I'm gonna tell you all the things my hearts been a-dying to be saying
Just like a ghost you've been a-haunting my dreams
But now I know you're not what you seem
Love is kind of crazy with a spooky little boy like you

Sunday, 18 November 2012

Nothing is True, Everything is permitted.

Zos, Kia and Self-love

'Zos', in Spare's terminology, is (among other things) the creative power of the magician, the imagination.
'Kia' is the formless Ultimate Reality, another word for Tao or Brahmin or Buddha-nature. It is also the Will. As Peter Carroll points out, Kia is that which makes life meaningful. If you can understand how all these things are the same, you're doing pretty well.

Spare writes that Kia "may be regarded as the primordial sex principle, the idea of pleasure in self-love." What does he mean here? Perhaps he is saying that life is essentially a striving. Sartre said that "man is a useless passion", that the nature of consciousness is to reach beyond itself for something else. To rephrase that in a magico-sexual metaphor: all conscious experience is Lust. Self-love is the aim of Spare's magic. It is a state of consciousness in which the inherent lust of the mind is constantly fulfilled and renewed, so that you are swept along on a constant torrent of enjoyment of passion, freed from "belief" (Spare seems to use the word "belief" to mean all that is static and solid in the mind) and ego. You might have experienced something like this if you've ever had sex on 'shrooms.
From The Book of Pleasure (self-love): The Psychology of Ecstasy: 
"The Kia which can be vaguely expressed in words is the "Neither-Neither," the unmodified "I" in the sensation of omnipresence."
"[Kia is] The absolute freedom which being free is mighty enough to be "reality" and free at any time: therefore is not potential or manifest (except as its instant possibility) by ideas of freedom or "means," but by the Ego being free to recieve it, by being free of ideas about it and by not believing. The less said of it (Kia) the less obscure is it"

Now, Austin Osman Spare inspired the Illuminates of Thanateros

However I couldn't help but asking myself : The whole of Chaos Magick is based on the of lack of Dogma, personalised rituals and free choice over the principles, paradigmas and on the total supremacy of the individual performing such rituals.
Isn't the IOT a controversy, then? 
Reading on their site "The Illuminates of Thanateros represent the "organised" side of what is usually called Chaos Magic." what does that mean ? Which one is the organised side of Chaos Magic.
I know I have my own organised Dogma, created by myself from different sources and personal experience but which one is the Organised side of Chaos Magic?

To answer this question I have found a Ph.D. online about the Laws of Chaos Magic.

The Laws of Chaos Magic [click on the link to read more] which kind of gave me a new idea on Chaos Magic. 

Interesting enough I have just realised that on sunday the 25th of November 
Fulgur.co.uk is organising an AOS book launch : The focus of Life by AOS

We are also pleased to say there will be a special exhibition and book launch for this title at the Store Street Gallery, 32 Store Street, Bloomsbury (next to Treadwell’s) on Sunday 25th November, 2012. Original drawings from The Focus of Life will be on display, plus letters, ephemera and the incredible suite of magic-erotic drawings. All are welcome.
The Focus of Life (Redux)
Book Launch and Exhibition
November 25th, 2012
12 midday until 5pm
The Store Street Gallery
32 Store Street


Propaganda Art

Flicking through DeviantArt I have stumbled upon this interesting article on the Faux Propaganda Art.

(click on the quote to read the article)

Here are some example of modern Propaganda Art

Shepard Fairey:

An American contemporary graphic designer and illustrator who emerged from the skateboarding scene. He first became known for his "Andre the Giant Has a Posse" (…OBEY…) sticker campaign, in which he appropriated images from the comedic supermarket tabloid Weekly World News. His work became more widely known in the 2008 U.S. presidential election, specifically his Barack Obama "Hope" poster. The Institute of Contemporary Art, Boston calls him one of today's best known and most influential street artists His work is included in the collections at The Smithsonian, the Los Angeles County Museum of Art, the Museum of Modern Art in New York, the Museum of Contemporary Art San Diego, the National Portrait Gallery in Washington, the Virginia Museum of Fine Arts in Richmond, and the Victoria and Albert Museum in London.

And Robbie Conal:

An American guerrilla poster artist noted for his gnarled, grotesque depictions of U.S. political figures of note. A former hippie, he is noted for distributing his poster art throughout a city overnight using his "volunteer guerrilla postering army".[1]
Conal's parents were both union organizers, and he grew up in Manhattan. He "graduated" in arts from San Francisco State University in 1969, although he was two credits short of a degree. After living briefly in Canada he obtained a MFA from Stanford University in 1978, and moved to the Los Angeles area in 1984, where he currently resides. Conal is an adjunct professor of painting and drawing at the University of Southern California's Roski School of Fine Arts.
Conal's work has been featured in numerous publications, including TimeNewsweek, the New York Times, the Los Angeles Times, as well as CBS's This Morning and Charlie Rose. He was the subject of the 1992 documentary Post No Bills directed by filmmaker Clay Walker. He has also written two books, Art Attack: The Midnight Politics Of A Guerrilla Artist and Artburn, a collection of his work published in the alternative newspaper L.A. Weekly. He has been awarded grants by the National Endowment for the Arts and the Getty Trust.
In 2004, Conal joined artists Shepard Fairey and Mear One to create a series of "anti-war, anti-Bush" posters for a street art campaign called "Be the Revolution" for the art collective Post Gen.
Conal was also one of the 112 members at the "Table of Free Voices" event in Berlin.
One of Conal's posters is prominently displayed in a scene in the 1999 film The Insider.

And now some Example of Original Propaganda Art.

[Anti-Semitic American Propaganda Postcard]


[Anti Bolscevik propaganda Poster 1920, Polish]



Wednesday, 14 November 2012

....and around a week later, I am still loosing myself in records but healing is perhaps not the right word.

yet again.

what's the fucking point of lowering the guard because maybe "I was being too harsh and doubtful about people" if in the end it always ends that way.

Another false alarm? did I read too much into it?

Fuck that, everything and everyone.

I do not believe in "taking things slow" not because I am not able to do so but because it's always a mere excuse to let somebody go "gently".

I have done it and receive it, like many of us.

it sucks.

It's simply not worth uncovering your tender side if, consistently, it gets stabbed with stupid excuses by people unable to decipher, accept and admit their own feelings (or lack thereof).

I had one of the most wonderful 4 days of this year, surrounded by affection and open demonstration to come back to the old fears, paranoias and disillusionment.

I need to get away, soon.

Is this some kind of confession?Am I obliged to let you speak?Are you still wondering whetherour actions are evercompletely pure?How could I be sure?

When all thieves lose their composure,when starvation is forcing its waythrough the treesall the way down to the beach

Mourn for me,as the sounds fall asleep.Smother mewith your mad charity,with your poisonous mercy.Smother me with charity.

So we seek out the lonely roadsto rush towards the uselessand leave this riot of blossomsto the simple minds

If you decide to accept my offerto understand this sacrificethink of me as inanimate matterto hide me from their lies.

So let me yearn for youas you have yearned for me.This storm has left us stranded,but there's method to this madness.Torture me with their uglinessand their ugly dreamshidden from the eyes of men.

What courageWhat foolishnessWhat strength

If you decide to accept my offerto understand this sacrificethink of me as inanimate matterto hide me from their lies.

"...Es gibt einen Weg in die Freiheit..."("...there is a path to freedom...")

Wednesday, 7 November 2012

I laid down for a good few hours listening to vinyl,
I hadn't done that for several months, if not for a year.

Am I healing, perhaps?

Sunday, 4 November 2012

Princess Coldheart

Withdrawal: a slow paced walking towards isolation.
Fear of  Betrayal 
I couldn't be arsed to risk again.

Then, like all things unplanned, the natural flow of things, this coiling around fear, took a different direction.

I missed a heartbeat.

If there is really a sparkle, may it become a flame.  

Princess Coldheart closed her eyes and waited for the kiss to snap herchain between her lips. They waited proud; they waited willing...filedin, failed, and so she killed them.

Sitting on her cutglass throne for forty years, without a phone, withouta single word. 100 thousand would-be suitors, dead because they couldn'tmove her.

In the courtyard flowers bloomed; they draped themselves 'round tombsand rows of crosses.... Pretty flowers bloomed; they draped themselves'round tombs and rows of crosses.

Some were daring...tried the tricks they'd learned in France. Some wouldtouch her hand. Money signs etched in their eyes. She sensed it;one-by-one they died.

Others chanted poems...even showered her with strange expensive gifts.She wouldn't read; she owned the best. She laid their flattery torest.
In the courtyard flowers bloomed; they draped themselves 'round tombsand rows of crosses.... Pretty flowers bloomed; they draped themselves'round tombs and rows of crosses.

Then, one October night, the humble village fool caught sight ofColdheart, and he fell. He smashed a rock against her throne. Hesnatched her hand and took her home.

Happily they lived forever after. He wears her chain upon his chest. Sheeven lets him kiss her breast.

In the courtyard flowers bloom; they drape themselves 'round tombs androws of crosses.... In their garden flowers bloom; they pick them,decorate their room. It's touching.

It's touching, so touching. It's touching, so touching.